The Observer, March 18, 2005
Volume XXXVII, Issue 21
Sex & Dating: Spice up sex with fantasy
As any college student knows, it only takes a little fantasy to drastically improve your sex life – or lack thereof. Few people hesitate to indulge in fantasy when they hit a dry spot, but some may be wary when another (real) person is thrown into the mix. For those looking to enhance their sexual encounters, here's a quick crash course to get you started.
Many would-be sexual adventurers are deterred by the risk of rejection: what could be worse than an "exciting" suggestion that disgusts or horrifies your partner? To avoid this situation, begin with one of the few almost-universal fantasies. The most basic starting point is as simple as changing your attire, and since ladies in general are usually more comfortable with dressing up, start out with some slightly racy lingerie. See-through underwear, thigh-high hose, even a satin nightie can add spice to the relationship. If you're more adventurous, try the school girl costume. There's something timelessly hot about the good-girl-gone-bad look of knee-high socks and a short plaid skirt – especially when paired with a cleavage-revealing shirt.
Once you've experimented with fulfilling your "soft-core" fantasies, evaluate what you did and didn't like about the interlude. People usually end up falling into one of two categories: creative people who enjoy exploring their fantasy for its own sake, and perceptive people who enjoy the realities of fulfilling that fantasy. Ask yourself the following questions: Did I/my partner feel silly dressing up? Did I pay any attention to my/his/her attire? Did we create more details to enhance the illusion? Was it hard to get into it without having physical objects to make the scenario more real? Once you've considered these questions, you should identify with one of the two groups listed below.
Creative people enjoy using clothing to set the mood, and like to create further details of the scenario in their minds, often sharing the details with their partner. So if you've already taken satin and lace for a test drive and it leaves you wanting more, try kicking it up a notch to more explicit costumes specific to your taste, such as nurse/doctor, police officers, etc.
Role playing is also an excellent idea for these people – the more detailed, the better. Make up names, dates, and give your characters new fetishes that you haven't explored yet. Throughout it all, communicate with your partner. For a person that gets off on fantasies, anything that strengthens a fantasy – such as sharing it – also strengthens his or her pleasure.
Perceptive people, on the other hand, usually end up tossing slinky lingerie on the floor while they get down to business. These people crave sensuality – things they can see, feel, smell, taste and hear. Props are favored by people in this category, ranging from food to feathers to whips and chains.
Some perceptive people add a little spice by watching pornography before or during intimate encounters. Granted, guys usually favor this method. Porn sometimes carries a heavy stigma, and it is often difficult to persuade a partner to even experiment with explicit videos. Since girls tend to fall in the creative category, a perceptive guy would do best to find a movie with a plot: if you get the girl emotionally involved or interested in the characters, she might be more easily persuaded to continue watching.
No matter which category you may fall into, remember that fantasies are a healthy part of any relationship. Try everything once – if you don't like something, no harm done, and there's always the chance that you may discover a new and exciting way to pleasure both yourself and your partner.
