The Observer, December 2, 2005
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 12
Sex & Dating: Morning Glory
Have you ever noticed that in the movies, everyone has sex at night? And whenever you get a booty call, it's always at 1 a.m., never early in the morning? And when was the last time you hooked up before your 8:30 a.m. class? Let's face it, nighttime sex is just plain convenient. Chances are you're already in your bedroom, wearing fewer clothes than usual, you might have a few drinks in you, and you know that afterwards you can just curl up and drift off to pleasant dreams together.
Now let's consider morning sex. Your breath reeks, chances are that you're hungover, you're still lazy and groggy from sleep, you probably hit snooze five time and now you're late to get up and shower and get to class, you probably have eye boogers and – oh yeah – your breath reeks. Who wants to make out with a fuzzy-toothed mouth of rot at the crack of dawn? Pass.
But when you write off morning sex completely, a small problem arises. (Or, if you're lucky, a big problem.) Testosterone levels peak between 6 and 11 a.m. in males, which explains why so many guys wake up with the infamous "tent," or Morning Glory. Let's be honest: the first couple of times, it's exciting to wake up next to a guy who's all ready to go. There's something spontaneous about we-just-woke-up sex, and it's definitely a great way to start out your day. Sooner or later, however, early-morning nookie begins to lose its appeal, for all of the aforementioned reasons.
Unfortunately, some guys just can't help it; sex is their version of coffee and the newspaper. In extreme cases, the only time they're horny is early in the morning – when they head up to bed at night, sleep is all that's on their mind. So what do you do when your sexual clocks just aren't clicking?
For all you ladies who have trouble kicking it into gear early in the morning, get creative. Try wearing sexy sleepwear so that when you wake up, you feel attractive, eye boogers and all. Keep a pack of gum in the nightstand to combat morning breath, and make sure you share it with your sweetie. If you masturbate, try doing it during the morning when you're alone to help make the leap from 7 a.m. to sex a little more manageable.
For all you men out there with excess energy in the a.m., be patient! Wake your partner up gently – shaking her impatiently and complaining that you're horny will get you nowhere. Use the few minutes you have before she is fully alert to clean yourself up – comb your hair with your fingers, steal a piece of the gum she put in the nightstand, wipe the drool off of your cheek and make sure that the ratty T-shirt you've slept in for the past week doesn't smell too badly. A small splash of cologne will work wonders in setting the mood, but make sure you don't overdo it.
Just like a morning workout, morning sex can help you to face the day feeling good with a big, goofy grin on your face. Even if you're a die-hard night owl, be sure you don't pass up the opportunity to make your partner's day without at least giving it a shot. You may find that a little morning lovin' can make an early-morning wake-up call worth the hassle.
