The Observer, January 27, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 14
Tristan and Isolde make love and war
With a tagline that reads "Before Romeo and Juliet were Tristan and Isolde," a prospective viewer of Tristan and Isolde can hardly expect more than a tragic love story, in which one or both of the main characters will inevitably lose their lives for the sake of love. That alone could potentially shape this into the classic date movie wherein the reluctant boyfriend is dragged kicking and screaming into the theater by a determined girlfriend (who, no doubt, is really just eager to see a thoroughly ripped James Franco woo the tunic off Sophia Myles). Fortunately for guys, this isn't quite the estrogen-fest you would imagine. The exciting and blood-spewing battle scenes are almost enough to make you forget that underneath it all, this story is just oozing with love.
Tristan and Isolde opens on a young prince, Tristan, (Love Actually's adorable Thomas Sangster) who witnesses his parents' murder by the Irish during a revolutionary meeting between the lords of pre-United Kingdom England. He is adopted by Lord Marke (Rufus Sewell) and grows into a strapping young warrior (portrayed by a surprisingly militant Franco, who also appears as a naval cadet in this month's Annapolis).
Simultaneously, Isolde (blonde bombshell Myles), a beautiful and willful Irish princess, has been betrothed the head of her father's army, which is quite the mismatch, as he falls in to a whole new category of ugly. Immediately after their engagement he heads to Britain to wreak havoc on the villagers, and Isolde is left to absorb the terrible news and plan for her wedding that will occur upon his return.
When Tristan's village is attacked by the Irish, and all their youths are kidnapped, he convinces Marke and the lords of surrounding tribes to fight back and save the children (Yes, ladies, kids are important to him) from a life of slavery. While killing Isolde's fiancé, Tristan is thought to be mortally wounded and is given a proper sea burial.
He is found alive by the rebellious Isolde (who keeps her true identity a secret), is healed, and falls madly in love with his nurse in a classic case of Florence Nightengale syndrome. Things really begin to hit the fan once he returns to England, and begins to pine for Brianna (the false name that Isolde gave him). In what he believes is an extremely clever move, he decides to enter an Irish tournament with the hope that he will be reunited with his love. He cares not of the actual prize – a bride for his surrogate father, Marke – but goes on to win the tournament. As dramatic irony would have it, Marke marries Isolde, who, naughty girl, manages to convince Tristan that adultery has its pros.
Naturally, when engage in extra-marital affairs it is wise to be as discreet as possible (and, say, not hold hands in public or engaging in frequent, outdoor trysts), and I'm pretty sure I spent the whole second half of the movie yelling obscenities at the love-blinded fools. Needless to say, their lack of common sense in the whole matter eventually forces them out into the open, and a merciful Marke allows them to escape with their necks intact. Too bad Tristan feels he must partake in one final battle – apparently, after being caught sleeping with your king's wife, honor becomes very important again. And of course, (spoiled alert) he dies at the end of a sword, in possibly the longest and most dramatic death scene of all time (seriously, he lives for like half an hour after being stabbed multiple times).
Regardless of my frustration with the characters' idiocy, the fact that this movie will never be worthy of critical acclaim or awards, and the fact that the acting is good, but not exceptional, it succeeded in providing me with exactly the kind of entertainment I sought: a tragic medieval love story. Realistically, what more can you expect from a movie?
