The Observer, January 27, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 14
Spartan Spotlight: Chris Molnar
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Name, major, sport.: Chris Molnar is a senior English and religion major who runs on the men's indoor track team.
Event/position: 800, 400.
High school/hometown: Cincinnati St. Xavier
Years participating in track: 10.
What inspired you to run track: Temporary but persistent insanity, and Michael Johnson's gold shoes.
Hobbies/extracurricular activities: Writing poor poetry, being a poor human being.
Favorite athlete: Sting is a real hero of mine.
Athletic honors: Until last Friday, I had never even won a race, let alone honors.
Academic honors: I'll probably graduate on time. That's at least not a dishonor.
Best track memory: Tackling a spectator during a Cross Country race in HS.
Worst track memory: Trying to run/sled on our new track before it was finished.
Favorite quote: "Ah, it all comes back to me now," said the blind man, as he peed into the wind.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: Broke, playing cello on the street. Seriously, I'm majoring in English and religion.
Something most people don't know about you: I invented the piano key necktie.
Joel Sanderson: Word Association: track shorts.
Chris Molnar: The real reason I started running.
JS: That's a little creepy. If you could invite any three people to dinner, living or dead, who would they be and why?
CM: The Dude for entertainment, Thomas Merton for enlightenment, and my grandma for cooking and hilarious commentary.
JS: A solid lineup indeed, particularly your grandma. You could be one place but Case (like you would ever want to leave). Where would you go?
CM: I gotta go west, young man.
JS: Thanks you, Michael W. Smith. What's your least favorite thing about track?
CM: Contracting the blue lung from Veale's Saharan atmosphere.
JS: If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
CM: [Insert offensive chauvinist stereotype here].
JS: Whew, that's clever. What's the one thing that most people don't know about track?
CM: What could possibly be unknown? We run. A lot. That's it.
JS: Sounds like a real party. They should make special shoes for you guys. What sort of off-season training do you do?
CM: Usually I run.
JS: Not dancing? I feel dancing would be a superior choice. Finish this sentence: Track is like a girl …
CM: Lots of running around for no apparent reason, to no apparent destination, and with no apparent pleasure, but it always leaves you breathless.
JS: You are profound beyond your years. Why is there no Track video game?
CM: Um, remember the NES Power Pad? But in modern graphics, the short shorts are too hot for Playstation. Too sexy.
JS: That's why I like to see you run in person, with your leg hairs flowing from your speed demonry. How will your beloved Bengals rebound after Palmer's knee was obliterated?
CM: We don't rebound, we reload. We will kill you in 2006.
JS: Honestly, I feel as though you meant that towards me personally, and I fear Chad Johnson. Goats or donkeys: which do you prefer?
CM: Sorry, I don't eat animals with cloven hooves.
JS: What about the devil. Would you eat the devil? Is syrup a viable weapon when fighting?
CM: I'm not here to talk about the past. But yes, in certain, clothesless scenarios, it can get one out of sticky situations.
JS: I prefer the clothesless part. Could the men's team beat the women's team in a head-to-head competition?
CM: Depends on the nature of the competition. Actually, no it doesn't. We'd win.
JS: Them be fightin' words. The teams should fight. With swords. Do you ever just get tired in the middle of a race and just want to stop?
CM: Sometimes I do. Stop, that is. Come to tomorrow's meet and see for yourself.
JS: You know I'll be there, now it's up to everyone else to show up.
