The Observer, February 3, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 15
NFL Guru: Rolling Stones are no improvement for Super Bowl halftime
Last week I, somewhat prematurely, wrote my Super Bowl preview column. Whether it was purposeful because I was so confident in my analysis and prediction or because in my haste to produce my column I forgot that there is a week off between the conference championships and the Super Bowl, I will leave up to you. But no matter the reason, I assure you that writing my preview early did not leave me short of material to expound upon. So please enjoy the following column.
Since I wrote up my predictions of what will happen on the field this Sunday last week, this week I will attempt to predict what will occur around and off the field. So I present to you my Side Bets:
#1: Interesting commercials – good, bad, and ugly.
Most people who watch the Super Bowl regularly will agree that the commercials are the best part, especially when it turns into a blowout midway through the second quarter. Every year advertisers pull out the stops for the big game, and with good reason. When you've got 30 seconds on what is guaranteed to be one of the most watched shows of the year, you've got to go for broke. ABC is reportedly charging $2.5 million per commercial, with regulars like Anheuser-Busch and Pepsi supposedly airing multiple ads. Get ready for the regular barrage of Budweiser ads, probably with some new batch of talking animals or other bizarre set of characters hawking beer (although I always hope they bring those lizards back). Car ads also will be omnipresent. I expect most will be like typical car commercials, but I'm sure there will be a couple that are really well done, and naturally a couple that have nothing to do with cars at all. Commercials that have nothing to do with the product they are selling are a common theme during the Super Bowl, and my friends and I will often play a game where we try to guess what a weird ad is for before it ends. It's always a hoot when the commercial you all agreed must be for a new videogame turns out to be for sneakers. Finally, there will also likely be an ad or two that uses current events. A notable example of this is the GoDaddy.com commercial parodying Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" which one of my friends downloaded and still watches on a semi-regular basis.
#2: Al Michaels provides insightful play-by-play; John Madden states the obvious.
Super Bowl XL marks the last time Madden and Michaels will share an announcer's booth. Michaels is, and has always been, an excellent commentator, and he will not disappoint this Sunday. Madden, as much as I like the man, has always had a knack for saying the all-too-evident. I would not be at all surprised to hear him say "Pittsburgh has a very tough defense, which means Seattle will have trouble putting points on the board." If you can get past the brain-hemorrhaging obviousness of his comments, Madden has some great stories about the old days when he was a coach, which in my opinion is why he's in the announcing booth at all. Hopefully this broadcast will be a good ending note for the legendary duo.
#3: Worst halftime show. Ever.
The halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl hasn't just been going downhill, it's in free-fall. Back in the good old days, you could expect to see floats, marching bands, helmet cars, jetpacks, and even the occasional hot-air balloon crash. But no, now we live in the MTV era, and we get 'treated' to musical events such as the onstage combination of Britney Spears, N'SYNC, and Aerosmith. I'm sorry, but the halftime show used to have something to do with football, not just trotting out a random band to perform.
This year that lucky group is the Rolling Stones, who are so old they may need to bring IVs up on stage with them. The only possible reason I can see for this choice is that the networks, still reeling from the wardrobe malfunction fallout, decided to put on rockers from an older, more modest generation. Expect to see hundreds of teenagers on the field during halftime concert, no doubt being paid to pretend to like the Stones.
