The Observer, February 10, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 16
Super Bowl commercials prove hotter than game
Just like 90 million other Americans, I submitted to cultural ritual last Sunday and watched television. I was annoyed at the frequent interruptions of the feature programming: at every possible opportunity the network broke away from my commercials to show a poorly played football game and a man who couldn't smile. Of all the nights to hold such a contest!
Recently, a UCLA doctor studied brain region responses to the advertising. Based on activity in areas related to reward and empathy, a team of dedicated scientists judged which spots were the most successful. The verdict: Disney wons, followed by Sierra Mist.
The losers, despite those who claimed to enjoy them, were the Burger King choreography, the FedEx stomping, and the GoDaddy sleaze. The affected areas for those related to feeling threatened. Apparently, the idea of being crushed by a dinosaur has minimal subliminal appeal.
But who cares about effectiveness? We're poor college students; we aren't going to buy anything. Well, maybe some Bud Light. Maybe a lot of Bud Light. But we probably aren't going to Disney World. Who doesn't watch commercials to be entertained? After all, the Super Bowl isn't a game; it's a vehicle for blatant displays of advertising power. There's got to be something to these commercials if people are actually studying them. And here are just of few of the best:
Bud Light
Pick your favorite. Pretty much everyone liked one of the seven that aired. Sentimentalists liked the baby Clydesdale pulling the sleigh. Naturalists liked the bear. Mystics enjoyed the magic fridge. Exhibitionists preferred the streaker. Coming soon: a personality test based on beer commercials. Hopefully you didn't pick the next one...
Michelob Light
The darker side of light beer. I only cite it because I saw "You were open but now you are closed!" on several away messages recently. Otherwise, it was predictable and plagiarized from Wedding Crashers, which was not even a remarkably original film.
Ameriquest
Don't judge too quickly. This motivated me to buy a defibrillator just to rid my house of pests. And now I'll have romantic hopes every time I sit in the aisle seat of an airplane. Mile high club, here I come! But still not quite as good as last year's awkward situation: man holding a cat and a meat cleaver while pasta sauce has spilled on the kitchen floor, when a lovely lady enters. Happens all the time.
Emerald Nuts
So I'm a sucker for word play. But it was clever, memorable, and surprising. I must admit that I did not see druids and machete enthusiasts synergized so eloquently. Poetry on TV? I swooned.
University of Akron
One word: transfer. See ya'll later.
And the losers:
Outback
Not funny.
Pepsi
You've already used the personification of an inanimate object. Get a new PR department.
Gillette
How many blades do we need?
GoDaddy.com
No one remembered last year.
Cadillac
Ultra-large SUVs and paper-thin models don't quite match. Try a new metaphor.
