The Observer, February 10, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 16
Worst Case Scenario: Lying
We all know to tell the truth because there's less to remember. Granted, James Frey might claim otherwise, but he's probably lying. Missed that episode of Oprah? James Frey is the guy who may or may not have fabricated the story of his life to sell millions of copies of his memoir, A Million Little Pieces. Oprah tapped it for her book club, and now she's pissed because he made her look dumb. But she does have lots of money, so that must make things better.
Which brings up an interesting point: who cares about the veracity of A Million Little Pieces? Well, Oprah does, and therefore so do most American women, but is there legitimate cause for her outrage?
Mostly it comes down to context. The appeal of A Million Little Pieces was that it was a true story of overcoming an obstacle, an inspiration. It was not admired for the quality of its prose. It was not admired for the complexity of its tale. It was not admired because Oprah said so.
Oh wait, yes it was. Anyway, the book was a hit because it was an amazing true story, or so we thought. Presented as fiction, it was rejected by many publishers. Important lesson: context matters.
I mean, would you be pissed if you heard that a certain Observer columnist was a liar? Well, no. You'd probably be shocked to hear otherwise.
Anyway, since I am a liar, I know several good strategies that could have helped Mr. Frey avoid this whole mess. You might find them helpful in your own written endeavors; including drug addiction and rehabilitation, although those are optional steps. Hey, you could lie about that, too!
Disclaim
Acknowledge that you might have misremembered or forgotten or forged certain portions. Believe it or not, people still read fiction. The tag "Based on a True Story" is a marvelous thing.
Sadly, this strategy demands that you write with legitimate quality. This was apparently too much work for Frey, who preferred to edit only the genre: "Novel" became "Memoir" became "Scandal."
Make it All Up
Your life isn't interesting enough to sell books? Just write a first-person tale of wonder and woe. Live vicariously through your protagonist. We call these "novels."
Go to Jail
Do not pass Go, but do collect $200,000 when you publish your memoir that discusses a real incarceration. Not a bad paycheck for actually spending the three months in prison. Plus, you could make a little extra for certain favors behind bars. Or at least save your tail, in a manner of speaking.
Write Better
Instead of lollygagging around, maybe you could take advantage of that school's fine liberal arts program and learn a thing or two about composition. In the mean time, you could also pick up a legitimate career rather than lying for money. Or you could go to law school.
Become a Columnist
We write opinion. Good ones base their arguments on fact; bad ones spew nonsense. You should aim for the former, but this column has proved that anyone can slip into the latter. You don't need to remember anything, truth or fabrication.
