The Observer, March 24, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 21
Spartan Spotlight: Max Briggs
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Name, major, sport, etc.: Max Briggs is a senior mechanical engineering major who plays center field for the baseball team.
High school/hometown: Cleveland Heights High School.
Years participating in baseball: Since I was two.
Who/what inspired you to play baseball: Chicks dig the long ball.
Hobbies/extracurricular activities: Drinking.
Favorite athlete: Roger Dorn and Jake Taylor (from Major League).
Athletic honors: All-UAA sophomore year.
Academic honors: I got into grad school.
Best baseball memory: Not coming in last in the UAA this year.
Worst baseball memory: Coming in last every other year.
Favorite quote: Well then I guess there's only one thing left to do. What's that? Win the whole f---ing thing.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years: On a beach with Lauren Knipp.
Something most people don't know about you: I'm engaged.
Joel Sanderson: If you could invite any three people to dinner, living or dead, who would it be and why?
Max Briggs: Josh Knipp, Jesse Jackson, and Fidel Castro. I just want Josh to be happy.
JS: Then you should have invited Spongebob. If they made a movie about your life, who would you want to play you?
MB: Grant Seimon.
JS: You couldn't get that kind of talent, and he's like 12. What's your least favorite thing about baseball?
MB: Greg Archer.
JS: That's harsh, he can't even play because he's on co-op. And let's be honest, everyone hates Archer. If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
MB: Make completely irrational arguments and pretend that I'm right just because I'm crying.
JS: But they are right, Max, they are right. What's the one thing that most people don't know about baseball?
MB: Hitting a homerun is better than sex.
JS: Better than sex with a horse maybe. What's the weirdest nickname you ever had?
MB: The Hurricane.
JS: That's Denzel's nickname. What goes through your mind during a game?
MB: I hope coach doesn't take us to China Buffet after the game.
JS: Better than taking you before the game. What's it like being a sex symbol to millions of lonely Case girls?
MB: My facebook message board is littered with indecent propositions. It's awesome.
JS: That question was a joke, nobody likes you. And you have no friends that you don't pay. Finish this sentence: Baseball is like a girl …
MB: Because getting to third base doesn't mean anything unless you score.
JS: How many teams practicing at Veale at once is too many?
MB: One. Intramurals and juggling club should have the first priority.
JS: Don't forget the dance team! What are your feelings on the World Baseball Classic?
MB: Now that the U.S. got bronze in basketball and lost the WBC, we really have no athletic claim to fame.
JS: We have really talented strippers, does that count? When will Cleveland win the World Series?
MB: This year. Go Tribe.
JS: Indeed. Go Tribe. Why don't you hit more home runs?
MB: Because no one ever comes to our games.
JS: Sounds like a catch-22 to me. Do you hate the Red Sox or the Yankees?
MB: They can both go to hell.
JS: That's the spirit!
