The Observer, April 14, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 24
Sex & Dating: Dispelling Myths
My roommates will be the first to tell you that I am a little unrealistic when it comes to life and love. I grew up on Disney movies and happy endings, and – needless to say – real life still sometimes comes as a bit of a shock to me. One advantage to such naïveté, however, is that I have survived nearly every relationship myth that there is. Through a number of failed relationships and unnecessary fights, I have established five ground rules that should help to protect everyone else who has fallen victim to the most popular relationship myths.
Truth No. 1: Men are not always thinking about sex. Unlike in the world presented by Cosmo and television sitcoms, the sight of a woman's cleavage does not instantaneously switch men's brains into animal sex mode. Sometimes men, just like women, are just not up for it. This is a startling truth in the face of the media representation of men who are as horny as teenage boys, up for sex any time, any place – and sets women up for feelings of brutal rejection when their real-life man doesn't jump on the slightest hint of sex.
Truth No. 2: There is no Prince Charming. Any man who knows enough about women to be "perfect" has known way too many women. Men who are constantly going out of their way with gifts, dinners, flowers, and surprises have crossed the thin line between showing affection and outright bribery.
Truth No. 3: It's better not to share every detail of your sexual life. To a generation of women who have grown up with the frank gossip of Sex and the City, it is second nature to dish out every little detail after a steamy weekend. Yet this bragging cheapens the intimacy of sex, degrading it from a shared act between two people to a public feat shared with the world. Although perhaps acceptable after a casual hookup, this is entirely inappropriate if you are in a long-term, emotional relationship.
Truth No. 4: Orgasms come in all shapes and sizes. For those women still waiting for that all-important "explosion," relax. The media has hyped the big "O" into mythical proportions – to a young woman who is sexually inexperienced, nothing short of a heart-stopping explosion will meet the popular definition of an orgasm. Slow down and focus on enjoying the moment; you may be so caught up on the media's idea of an orgasm that you're missing the real thing.
Truth No. 5: Playing hard-to-get actually works. Perhaps the most unattractive human behavior of all time is desperation. This is why you will never earn respect by being a slut and why we are attracted to those who are confident. Confidence is a mysterious phenomenon that excites our curiosity and draws us closer to its source. Think of it this way: do you really want to date someone you had to chase down? Or do you want to date someone who was willing to come to you?
Silly as it sounds, make sure not to confuse television with reality. It's easy to expect that the media would reflect reality, but when it comes to relationships, remember that the scripts are written by lonely workaholics in Hollywood. Do you really want to take relationship advice from them?
