The Observer, April 21, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 25
Worst Case Scenario: Making a name for yourself
If you don't read People Magazine religiously, you may not be aware that Paris Hilton, the world's most ubiquitous party girl, is attempting to start an actual career. In singing. Yes, just like all the little Simpsons and Lindsay Lohans out there, Paris Hilton – who has already turned herself into one of the world's most interesting spectacles of stupidity – is expanding her brand, American Idol-style.
So, while this week's column could have dealt with the problems of summer road trips and breaking in to private swimming pools, it will now deal with a more pressing matter: how to brand yourself on a college campus. Because really, who wants to go through life without the glare of a spotlight following you wherever you go?
Know your strengths. You're not going to get anywhere if you don't know what you're good at. Because where are you going to know where to start? Enhance your good assets (they need not be physical) and find ways to minimize the bad.
Multitask. Once you've identified and enhanced your strengths, find more! The key to success is being able to bounce from one project to another – that way, if one of them fails miserably, you can always say you're focusing on your modeling career. Get involved in the organizations you've always admired, but never gotten around to joining – chances are, they need enthusiastic members. Being involved is one of the number one ways to get your name out there.
Network. Being nice really does pay off in the long run. If you feel like throwing a temper tantrum because your parking space is too far from the elevator, keep it in until you can take your anger out on someone you're sure you're never going to see again. Make friends with people with connections.
Be recognizable. Perfect your look – whether it's dressing solely in the color pink, or carrying around a rat-sized dog – and run with it. Strangers can't point at you from across the Quad unless they can identify you. While you may not need to get blond extensions to acquire the perfect image, regular showers are recommended. Go shopping, and think outside the box.
Know how to take criticism. Once you become a public fixture, you're going to have to deal with the jealous whispers of the less ambitious. Learn to how to take it in stride; not even Mother Theresa was universally loved. But don't just brush it off; once you sift through all of the petty bitchiness, some of your detractors' comments may just help.
Once you sign your multi-album recording deal, don't forget those here who have helped you along the way!
