The Observer, April 21, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 25
Sex & Dating: The get-it-on guide
By this time of year, even the happiest Case couple might be getting a little bored. You never thought that sex on that huge bed in the Village could get old, but it has. Not to worry! There are fresh nooky nooks all over Cleveland – some right here on campus. From sweet to daring, I've made a list of some of the best and most unique places to do the deed around town. Take it as a wish list or a challenge, but here it is:
Romantic
Nothing beats sex on the beach of Cleveland. It might not have the crashing waves and beach huts of Miami, but it does have sand and seagulls, and for a short drive it can't be beat. Make sure you lay out a big blanket before you get at it, and it might be wise to have a few extra blankets on hand for a quick cover-up in case you encounter other beach-goers.
Glamorous
You gotsta get a hotel. Downtown Cleveland is filled with them, and Glidden House is next door, so there's no excuse. Baricelli Inn in Little Italy was recently named the Sexiest Place in Ohio by Cosmopolitan magazine. (They recommend room three.) If you've got the dough, order up some strawberries the night of and breakfast in bed the next morning. No matter how much you spend, everyone loves a romp in rented sheets.
Dangerous
If you're looking to add a lot of thrill to your sex life, you needn't go far. Try the top floor of the Village parking garage. There are rarely more than ten or fifteen cars parked up there, so you probably won't get caught. But it's public domain, so your adrenaline will be pumping. Bring something soft to lay on unless you really want to rough it. Afterward you can enjoy the stars and a nice view of the city.
Naughty
Try an unlocked classroom. Depending on the hour, the probability of getting caught can be pretty slim. But such a taboo place will make it oh-so-exciting. Pick a class that you hate or that bores you for extra satisfaction. All the different surfaces leave lots of room for experimentation. If you're extra evil, jump on the teacher's desk. Come Monday, you won't be falling asleep in that class.
For Bragging Rights
The fifty-yard line. I dare you. Explore this spot with your partner, and you will never be forgotten. Picking a spot that's usually the center of action and excitement will make you both feel like MVPs. It can get pretty dark out there late at night, so you might not be seen. But since you're surrounded by hundreds of your sleeping classmates, it's very voyeuristic.
The best way to keep your sex life exciting is to be creative and a little adventurous. Let the Guide inspire you, and come up with some of your own quirky ideas, but don't call us if you get in an awkward situation. Our only expertise with handcuffs is recreational.
