The Observer, April 28, 2006
Volume XXXVIII, Issue 26
Sex & Dating: Surviving the summer apart
Should you stay together or take the summer off? Use this handy guide to help you decide.
1. If you have been together for at least four months, go to 2. If not, go to 3.
2. If you have not cheated on each other during the entire course of your relationship, go to 4. If you have, go to 6.
3. If you have been friends for at least four months, go to 4. If not, go to 5.
4. If there is someone you have been romantically interested in or involved with back home (or wherever you're spending your summer), go to 6.
5. Your relationship is probably not ready to stand the test of long distance. Your best bet is to agree on a guilt-free summer, with the understanding that when you arrive back at school things will (slowly) get going again. Enjoy your summer lovin'!
6. Is this other person someone that you will be seeing regularly over the summer? If so, go back to 5. If not, continue to 7.
7. Are you in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, go to 8. If not, go to 9.
8. Are you willing to avoid high-risk cheating situations (drinking at parties, hanging out in a group of four where two of the other people are a couple, overnight trips, etc.) to keep yourself out of trouble? If so, see 10. If not, see 5.
9. OK, genius, why would you try a long-distance relationship if you're not in love with the person? Please see 5.
10. Why do you want to stay in a relationship over the summer?
a. You think it's silly to break up for a designated time period (see 11).
b. You are afraid of your feelings changing if you date another person (see 11).
c. You are afraid of your boyfriend/girlfriend's feelings changing if he/she dates another person (see 5).
d. You have no interest in dating other people, and neither does your partner (see 12).
11. You should not be dismissive of the opportunities for personal growth (and lots of fun!) over the summer. This is a prime example of learning that what is meant to be will be. If you stay together for the wrong reasons, your commitment will turn into resentment, and your relationship will fall apart. Enjoy your time apart from each other and take advantage of the opportunity to better appreciate your significant other.
12. Phone bills be damned, there is no sense in you and your partner breaking up. If you are in a committed relationship, you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and make it through the hard times that a long-distance relationship entails. Good luck!
Tips for making it work:
– Make sure your cell phone plans are compatible. Try to get a deal where calls to each other are free (this is best done when one of your contracts expires).
– Make concrete visiting plans and stick to the,! This way, everyone knows that no amount of whining will result in an early visit.
– That said, as the end of the summer draws near, a surprise visit will make someone's entire vacation. Make sure to clear it with Mom and Dad first if your significant other is back at home.
– Avoid situations where you may be tempted to cheat on your partner. A little backbone when making your evening plans can save you a lot of trouble down the road!
– Enjoy the time you have to yourself. Nothing is more annoying than someone who's managed to be clingy from 500 miles away. Revel in your independence… if all goes well, it may be your last chance.
