The Observer, November 10, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 10
Sex & Dating: When to walk away
You've perfected your swagger, your come-hither stare. You are the Casanova or Casanovette of the East Side. You've got game, yes you do. But do you know when to walk away? Crib the tips to know when the one you have your eye on is trying to tell you to scram.
The iPod excuse. You spot your crush and start screaming his name and wildly waving your arms. He cruises by with a blank stare. He just didn't see me, you think. After all, he was busy listening to his iPod. Nope. This is the one of the newest and most effective people-avoiding tricks. If it's accompanied by (fake) scrolling through song lists, nevermind of headphones, or dancing, you're probably on his "Dead to Me" list.
The "I just have to dance with my friend for a second" excuse. You're on Coventry, dancing with a sexy chica, and she's totally into you. She's smiling at you, and she keeps turning around to her friends, making faces and hand signals about how hot you are. Suddenly, a friend comes over and grabs her away, and they start dancing together. Hot threesome? Nope. Not only is she completely turned off by your dance moves, but she and her friends have identified you as a potential freak. Ouch.
The "I have to go to the bathroom/bar/Atlanta" excuse. You're chatting up someone promising and then he says he has to disappear. No problem, you think. Everyone has to pee now and again. But he never returns. This is the classic way of cutting you loose without making you feel too bad. Now, if he says he wants to get a drink and invites you to come along, then it's safe to think that he's into you.
The "my mom's on the other line" excuse. She gave you her number at the bar, even though she might have been a little tipsy. You call her and she sounds very surprised. (With joy, right?) After a few minutes she tells you that she has to go because her mother/best friend/therapist is on the phone. That's okay, you think. Good thing she's so close with her family/friends/paid professionals. This one is a little more clever, but think it through. Once again, if she offers to call back and really does, you're OK. But if she was really into you, wouldn't she ignore the other call? If she is really into you, then she should be giving the interrupting caller the lame excuses.
The "I was so involved in conversation that I didn't see you there" excuse. You're driving through campus and the man of your dreams is crossing the street right in front of your car. You blare your horn right when he gets in front of your car, and he doesn't flinch. Wow, good thing he has such amazing composure, you think. A sudden alarming sound (coming from something with the potential to mow you down) should make him turn his head; he's clearly very involved in ignoring you.
It's easiest to believe that the people you are interested in are interested in you too and are just busy, have rude friends, or are nearly deaf. But it's better in the end if you know what's up as soon as possible. Take excuses with a grain of salt and always think about the next step. If you wouldn't hit the person you're crushing on with the same excuse they gave you, it's probably because the feelings are one-sided.
