The Observer, November 10, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 10
Spartan Spotlight: John Tiemeier
click to enlarge
Major, sport, et cetera: John Tiemeier is a junior mechanical engineer major, napping minor from Elder High School in Cincinnati, Ohio. He plays strong safety for the football team as well as intramural dodgeball.
Years participating in football: 16.
Hobbies. extracurricular activities: Pose offs, napping, sitting.
Favorite athlete: That number 14 on the girls' basketball team, she's a stud.
Athletic honors: First-team All-UAA, second-team All-Region, team captain.
Academic honors: I passed my stage building midterm… barely.
Best football memory: Winning the state title my junior and senior years of high school.
Worst football memory: Freshman year, sharing a bed on a road trip with Fronz.
Jeffrey T. Verespej: That really is awful. I'm sorry. Do you have a favorite quote?
John Tiemeier: "Abraham Lincoln once said that, 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North,' and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace."
JTV: OK…what is something most people don't know about you?
JT: I'm erotic.
JTV: Another awkward moment. If you could invite any three people to dinner, living or dead, who would it be and why?
JT: Tony Kornheiser, Mike Tyson, and Jenna Jameson, because that would turn into one hell of a conversation.
JTV: But can Tyson speak English? Who is your favorite superhero and why?
JT: Tom Brew, no explanation needed.
JTV: You'd be amazed at how many people give me that answer. If you could be one place but Case (like you would ever want to leave), where would you go?
JT: Brazil, because I know how to say I like your "shoes" in their language.
JTV: A great skill when you are shopping the "boutiques." If they made a movie about your life, who would you want to play you?
JT: Brad Pitt, when he was as ripped as he was in Troy. He's mellow but handsome.
JTV: I see the mellow part, but how is that like you? If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
JT: Go out in my tube top and heels without getting weird looks (for once!).
JTV: And you just mentioned how Pitt is handsome. Great, just great. Do you have a soundtrack for your life?
JT: Biz Markie, "Just a Friend." But only when sung by Ronald and Donald.
JTV: Finish this sentence: Football is like a girl…
JT: ...because it controls your life year round even when you thought it would last only three months.
JTV: At least you didn't say minutes, like a series on the field or something. What's it like being a sex symbol to millions of lonely Case girls?
JT: Millions? My classes average three girls combined.
JTV: OK, so maybe two then? Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JT: Probably watching the Bengals beat up on the Browns just like every other year.
JTV: Well your team needs to be out of jail first. Let's get back to some football. What would we find in your locker right now that might surprise us?
JT: Two empty bottles of ibuprofen and baby powder for those sweaty days during camp.
JTV: It's usually my job to make this uncomfortable. That was good. What's the high point in a football player's season?
JT: Lately it seems to be the third game of the year.
JTV: Thank you ladies and gentleman, he'll be here all week. Last home game this week, right?
JT: Yes, and Saturdays are not for studying. Live a little and come to the game and the end of the season party Saturday night.
JTV: Good thing we aren't in Cincinnati with their curfew. Good luck this weekend, John!
