The Observer, January 26, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 14
Sex & Dating: New Year, New Rules
So it's January. The gyms are packed with people striving to keep resolutions. Vegetable consumption has soared. You might even have vowed to stop prank calling your nasty professor. But there are some aspects of life that often get neglected when it comes time to make resolutions – like your relationship. Here are a few relationship resolutions that are definitely for keeps year-round.
Increase "me" time. Remember all the cool stuff that you loved when you were single? It still exists. Enroll in the kickboxing class that you've been dying to take or join the fantasy baseball league that you've been eyeing since last year. The more time you spend on things that you love, the more energy you'll bring to the relationship. No one likes the glued-together couple anyway.
Increase quality together time. Do you two work like mad all day, then get together at the end of the night just to watch Leno and fall asleep? If TV characters have more to say when you're together than you do, it's time to shake it up! Take a walk, play in the snow, do something that will allow you two to really talk and connect. The more time you spend together sans digital distractions, the better.
Don't become the perfect mate. You two might be perfect for each other, but you can become too perfect. Once the relationship becomes more real, and you recognize bad habits and flaws in each other, it can be tempting to try and change to bring yourself up to status. Don't. He says he hates chewing gum, but you can't go a day without some Bubblicious? Chomp away, baby. The only exception here is if it's something that your beau finds truly offensive, like calling her Junk-Trunk in front of her friends. Not cool.
Figure out what you need. Single or hitched, this is something so necessary for your relationship health. Think of your exes and figure out what worked and what didn't. Need a man who loves to dine with your fam every Sunday? Want a girl who will watch wrestling every week? Repulsed by a mate who doesn't brush their teeth three times a day? Make a list. Figure out your must-haves and your deal-breakers and it will help you evaluate the health of your current relationship or help you mush through first dates.
Make an effort not to neglect the rest. Schedule your time so that you have time for friends, family, school, activities, and your honey. It can be tempting to let your cutie monopolize all your time, and they might even lay on the guilt, but don't crack. Your relationship – and your life – will be much more satisfying if it is multi-dimensional. The more you bring to the table, the more you have to receive from each other. Plus, you need to have someone to gossip to when he does something weird.
The new year gives an opportunity for people to throw away old mistakes and bad habits and start fresh. Take advantage of this, and make a vow to only hold on to relationships that are healthy, happy, and fulfilling. You're much too fabulous to settle for anything less.
