The Observer, February 2, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 15
Worst Case Scenario: Procrastination
Putting off for tomorrow that which we could/should/would do today is a time-honored tradition within the college community. In ages past, procrastination was not really an issue; walking twenty miles, uphill both ways, through precipitation that would make even Noah tremble ate up all the time that one would want to spend not doing the task at hand. Unfortunately, modern technology, including both transportation and telecommunication, has rendered this once straightforward occupation into a labyrinth of options. This week, Worst Case Scenario will attempt to aid you in your search for the ideal procrastination technique. That is, if we can get our writer away from his Minesweeper habit…
Speaking of Minesweeper, for once, Microsoft got something right. Included with every version of Windows that I can remember, from Win 3.1 on, is one of the greatest procrastination boons ever. Once you've mastered marking mines and clearing grids, try to get into the 100 Club. That's the elite group of people whose total scores for Beginner, Intermediate, and Expert total 100 or less. Or for a real challenge, clear an Expert board without marking a single mine. For those of you not imbued with mad mouse skills, Solitaire is always a good alternative.
World of Warcrackcraft or any of the dozens of similarly addictive video games. 'Cause there's no better time to get your Epic level rogue up to Tier 3 than a day before your senior thesis is due. Deadlines are always flexible, right?
Starbucks – There's nothing like sitting in a coffeeshop, sipping hot chocolate and people-watching when you have a midterm starting in 11 hours and 37 minutes. If you get tired of the people in your first Starbucks, you have another two to choose from, all within walking distance of Case. Fun Fact: If you order the same drink often enough at the Cedar-Fairmount branch, the staff will start calling it by your name (e.g. "Would you like another Kathleen?")
Solve the Case Logo Woes – Create yet another new logo for the university. Incorporate the university seal, the Fat Surfer, the Case School of Engineering coat of arms, the Lakeside School of Nursing pin, the Mary Chilsom Painter arch, and any other symbol with any historic significance to the school. Make sure to consult with alumni from every institution that forms Case, as we don't want to offend anyone. When you're done, bill the school appropriately for your services, and require the destruction of all items (stationary, signage, etc.) bearing the old logo.
This list should provide a respectable start to the semester's procrastination. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to send them to worst-case@case.edu. I'll read through them and post them in a later column, just as soon as I get my Expert time under 70 seconds…
