The Observer, September 8, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 2
Sex & Dating: Don't lose that loving feeling
So you survived the summer apart. You put hundreds of miles on your car from surprise visits and the "4" key on your phone no longer works because of incessant text messaging. But you survived.
And now you are back in your honey's loving embrace. Is it starting to feel a bit like a death grip? You might have thought being apart for the summer was the hardest thing to endure, but you hadn't anticipated the difficulty of being together again. Breathe easy (when you get out of that hug), it's survivable.
Don't go crazy all at once. Yes, you are excited to see your darling after many long nights of pining away for him/her. But if you can ration out that excitement to last weeks or months, isn't that so much better? Keep the novelty. It's almost like going back to the beginning of your relationship – you get another honeymoon.
Don't rush and go to all your favorite restaurants in one weekend. That will certainly take away from the fun of special dates, and very well may make you fat. If you can use some restraint, then you will always have something to look forward to.
Don't spend all your time together. You will quickly feel overwhelmed, especially since you had just gotten used to your freedom. The sweetness might turn bitter, and you might start focusing on his or her lesser qualities or even making up problems, like that Elvis-shaped mole.
Play with your friends. Especially if they got used to seeing a lot of you over the summer, your sudden disappearance might seem like a slap in the face and you could lose them for good. Everyone has a friend who is only around when the squeeze is out of town. Don't be that jerk.
Keep up the things you did over the summer that you (and you alone) enjoy. You don't have to convince him that toenail painting is an important artistic and emotional release – besides, do you really want to tackle those nasty fungus-ridden nails? She doesn't need to understand that cornhole will soon be an Olympic sport – anyway, is she any good at sports? Leave your significant other out of your chosen activity and go it alone, or with friends. Not only will it make you a more interesting couple, no one will feel trapped. And if you don't feel trapped, then check again, because you might be the one holding the cage.
Even though the summer might have been hard, the things you learned then are so valuable to your relationship. Keeping those things in mind will prevent you from being a needy person and keep your relationship fresh and healthy. If nothing else, this independence will keep you primed for the next time you need to be apart, like the romantically barren period called fall break. Be prepared.
