The Observer, March 30, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 22
Worst Case Scenario: Meeting the Family
It has come to our attention at Worst Case Scenario that Sex & Dating covers very little of the latter part of its title. Today, we wish to correct that. To do so, we will be discussing an important event in any relationship – meeting the family of your significant other.
Meeting the family means one of three things: 1) Your relationship is becoming serious. 2) Your significant other's family lives nearby and you meet them as a byproduct of a routine visit. 3) Your significant other's family is psychotically controlling and stalks him or her. A good clue that you're experiencing the third phenomenon is that you meet your significant other's family while seated in an uncomfortable chair under a single light bulb…before you meet or are involved with your significant other.
When meeting your significant other's family, there are some basic principles to keep in mind. First, dress appropriately. Guys, this means that you might have to shower, comb your hair, and find something clean. A girl can help you figure out the normal world's definition of "clean." Girls, you'll want to leave the stilettos and fishnets at home. Remember that high school dress code about bare bellies and visible underwear that you ignored? Dig it up.
Depending on how friendly your significant other's family is, you may be faced with awkward situations. Be flexible. No matter how little you may be accustomed to hugging people you don't know, I can assure you that a welcome hug from Aunt Sue is a thousand times less creepy than being hugged by some of the random strangers who have hugged me against my will.
If it's your family that the significant other is meeting, don't be unreasonable in your expectations. For example, if you are one of five daughters, don't conclude that your relationship won't last if by the end of a weekend visit your boyfriend cannot successfully identify each sister by name, age, grade, and favorite color. Your own mother probably can't do that. If, however, at the end of the weekend he cannot distinguish you from the other rugrats, a serious reevaluation of the relationship – or of your boyfriend's cognitive skills – may be in order.
Most importantly, don't be intimidated by the family visit. It's an excellent opportunity to see where your significant other came from and to understand why he is the way he is. Knowing that your girlfriend's insufferable ability to discuss at length the contents of last month's Vogue came from her mother may not make listening to the distinction between Prada and Louis Vuitton ads any less torturous, but at least you'll be able to curtail the desire to rip out her tongue by telling yourself that it's not entirely her fault. It's her mother's fault, and you know her mother now, and next time you see her, you can visualize ripping her tongue out.
