The Observer, April 6, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 23
Sex & Dating: Spring Fling
Ah, spring. Trees are flowering, birds are keeping you awake at night, and it's open season for potential spring flings. You have your prospective honey all picked out, and you're getting ready to move in for the kill, but don't let your enthusiasm get the best of you. If you pay attention, your object of desire will usually drop some hints if they're not interested. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Does this hottie think everything you say is hilarious? Like, everything? "Yes!" you exclaim. "But who wouldn't? I am so funny." Maybe not. Next time you two talk, really pay attention to the reactions you're getting. If they are tittering away throughout your whole conversation, be suspicious. They could be covering the fact they're uncomfortable talking to you or they could just be humoring you and trying to be nice. Less laughter seems like it would be a bad thing, but it's really not. Appropriate responses (even if they're not stroking your ego as much) indicate that the person is really listening and engaged in the conversation.
2. Do they invite friends along whenever you suggest an event? "Yes!" you exclaim. "Because they are so popular. And so am I!" Take another look. If every time you invite this darling to grab gelato they ask if their roommate can come along, it might be something other than friendliness. True, they could have a really clingy roommate, but it's probably that they want to avoid being alone with you. It's not that they necessarily dislike your company, but having a buffer of buddies prevents you from moving in for a little extracurricular activity. If you want to test it for yourself, say no the next time they ask to bring someone along. If they take it in stride, then they might have just needed a little push to get out of the comfort zone of their group of friends. But if their reaction is really negative, you need to be moving along.
3. Do you have to sit next to them in class? Do they never sit next to you? "Yes!" you exclaim. "But I always get there second!" Well, that's fine, but are they always sitting in the same spot? "No!" you exclaim. "Because they're not boring!" Wrong. It's because they're hiding. If they wanted to make sure to sit by you every day (like a good spring fling should), then they would make sure it was easy for you to find them each time. They would be sitting in "your seats" every day – and leaving a notebook protecting your spot until you arrived. Ask them if they'll save you a spot for the next class and see what they say. If they seem surprised by the implication that you two will always sit together or if (heaven forbid!) they just plain don't do it the next time, then your honey might have some cold feet. Not what you're looking for in a hot fling.
At the end, you need to trust your gut. But it's best to be skeptical and look for tell-tale signs if you want to avoid embarrassment and heartache. If you have doubts, talk to a trusted pal and see how they interpret the behavior. A spring fling should be fun, not stressful! Just remember to keep your head on a swivel.
