The Observer, April 6, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 23
Job Searching
I'm a senior. I'm graduating. In some ways, that's great. No more classes at obscenely late times in the afternoon when I'd rather be sitting at Starbucks. No frantic writing of papers the day they're due. And I can only hope it means no more Case Daily.
At the same time, though, this is a time fraught with anxiety, especially for procrastinators like me. You see, I graduate in a little over a month, and I don't have a job. Since I don't have millions stashed in a Swiss bank account, and I don't want to abandon apartment living for a cozy spot under Adelbert Bridge, this is a problem.
I'm working on it, though, as I'm sure my compatriot seniors are. It's a scary world out there, and getting a job is only the start. To help you along, here are some common terms, tools, and concepts you'll encounter while scrounging for your small, tenuous spot in the world of work.
Resume
Your main job-snagging tool, this is a piece of paper (or a computer file) on which you list all the cool things you did in college that make you worthy of a job with Company X. If you didn't do anything cool, you'd better be ready to make your boring non-accomplishments sound awesome, since it's probably too late to discover a new element and name it after yourself. This is like college admissions: if you aren't doing groundbreaking research by age 12, you have no chance and will end up working at the corporate equivalent of Case Western Reserve University.
Cover Letter
Cover letters are easily the most evil things in the world. The underlying message is Please please please pretty please give me a job. I'll do anything. Just give me a job. Please. I don't want to live under a bridge! Do not write this. It smacks of honesty, and corporate America hates honesty. Instead, construct a narrative in which your past experiences (even if they consist of sitting at your kitchen table and drinking pot after pot of tea) make you the perfect candidate for a particular job. Be creative. Remember the agony of writing college admissions essays? Remember how you thought you'd never have to do that again? You were wrong.
Interview
If you're lucky enough to get one of these, it means you might actually get a job…if you don't screw up. Shower. Dress as if you were going to anyone but Anna Nicole Smith's funeral. Practice making enough eye contact to be engaging, but not so much as to be creepy. Remember that as well as being the employer's chance to get to know you, it's also your opportunity to determine if you're actually interviewing for a position with the Mafia. Being shown in by a very large, threatening guy named Vinny is a clue that you might not want a job desperately enough to be a part of this particular work "family."
Then again, it is mid-April.
