The Observer, April 27, 2007
Volume XXXIX, Issue 26
Spartan Spotlight: Kevin Haley
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Name, Year, Major, et cetera: Kevin Haley is a junior shortstop and pitcher for the baseball team. He is a mechanical engineering major from Kent Roosevelt High School.
Years Participating in Baseball: 15
Athletic Honors: 2nd team All-UAA 2006 and 2007.
Academic Honors: I haven't been kicked out of school yet.
Who or what inspired you to play baseball: Alvaro Espinoza. He was my hero growing up.
Jeffrey T. Verespej: The Tribe needs to bring him back as the 8-position backup. What's your best baseball memory?
Kevin Haley: Any involving Keith Lupton.
JTV: And your worst?
KH: Two words: Jerry's Kids.
JTV: I can't believe it took us this long to get a reference there. If they made a movie about your life, who would you want to play you?
KH: Corey Feldman. He was awesome in The Goonies.
JTV: But he doesn't do the truffle shuffle. Who's your favorite athlete?
KH: Takeru Kobayashi. That man can eat.
JTV: Once again, no truffle shuffle – stop disappointing me. Describe to all the loyal readers what it's like to play at Nobby's Ballpark.
KH: It's every child's dream…
JTV: Mine too. What goes through your mind during a game there?
KH: Does my butt look fat in these pants?
JTV: Yeah, all the people in the stands would really laugh at you if it did. Anyway, where do you see yourself in ten years?
KH: Think Walter Matthau in Bad News Bears.
JTV: I am in awe of that idea. What would we find in your locker right now that might surprise us?
KH: Chris Lambert.
JTV: I presume he's your personal 'masseuse?' If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
KH: I'm not sure you can print it…
JTV: You must not have read the Bob Niccoli Spotlight – we can get almost anything printed. What's your favorite drink?
KH: Natural light, because money is no object.
JTV: I bet your 14-year old sister's girlfriends appreciate that. If you could participate in any other sport, which one would it be?
KH: Basketball, because I recently dunked on an eight-foot hoop over a 3rd grader. Yeah, I've got skills.
JTV: Please take it to the And1 tour. Given the opportunity to invite three people to dinner, who would it be?
KH: John Glenn, LeBron James, and Marc Brown from the Norton Furniture Commercials. Basically, Ohio's heroes.
JTV: Imagine commercials called "The Marc Browns." They'd all be the same. Do you know what a coxswain is?
KH: I think it is what you call someone you hate.
JTV: Couldn't have said it better myself. What's the weirdest nickname you ever had?
KH: They call me camel toe because I'm tough – it crosses the desert and so could I.
JTV: Don't get caught up there. What's the high point in your season?
KH: Seeing Rick Lessman give signs.
JTV: You're very creepy. What superpower would you like to have?
KH: I'd be invisible so I could trip people. People falling down is one of the top three funnier things in the world.
JTV: That's why I'd want to be invisible too…yeah. Finish this sentence: Baseball is like a girl…
KH: Um, I can't remember how it goes, but it has something to do with tamping a mound.
JTV: Yes it's a very important step in the process of building the perfect rubber to pitch from. Who's the best baseball player you've ever played with?
KH: Kevin Sudnik, he turns a mean double play…at least when he's not too busy with Erin.
JTV: Rough teammates. Lastly, what's it like being a sex symbol to millions of lonely Case girls?
KH: I guess I didn't get that memo.
JTV: My mistake – this says Dave Adams, not Kevin Haley.
