The Observer, September 15, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 3
Worst Case Scenario: Didactic Narcolepsy
In my post-lunchtime high school history class, my friend – we'll call her "Mariko" – had a small problem. While Miss Martin discussed the Ems Telegram, Mariko's eyes would slip shut, her head would sag, and she'd zonk out on the eve of the Franco-Prussian War. Miss Martin, always sensitive to her students' weaknesses, would then halt class and silently embark on a imitative routine of slip, sag, jerk up! Eventually, our laughter would wake Mariko, who never failed to look completely baffled.
Chances are, you've been Mariko at some point, perhaps after leaving all your homework and that history paper to late Sunday night, after enjoying your Leutner lunch a bit too thoroughly, or simply because statistics bores you out of your mind.
Scenarios such as these happen all too often. Boring lecturers, sleep deprivation, and food coma can all contribute to unplanned intra-lecture slumber, also known as didactic narcolepsy. Severe cases may involve whiplash, drool, ridicule by classmates and instructors, and even academic failure. Here are a variety of techniques that can reduce, or even eliminate, occurrences of didactic narcolepsy.
Caffeination: Coffee or tea (the non-herbal variety) is always a good source of this delightful legal alkaloid. Both are readily available at nearly every food service location on campus. As an added bonus, some studies suggest that the heat from the coffee increases cerebral blood flow, providing a wakeup jolt that is unavailable from carbonated beverages. If you're not hip to the java jive, then pop is even more available than coffee or tea, with hundreds of vending machines around campus. Your dentist will thank you.
Thermodynamic Control: Ever notice how it's easier to fall asleep when you reach some ideal temperature? Making yourself a little uncomfortable can help keep your head up and your eyes open in class. Whether your preferred sleep environs are arctic, tropical, or somewhere in-between, dress in layers since the temperature in Case buildings is about as predictable as a manic chipmunk on cocaine.
Locomotion: While some of you may be able to sleep standing up, I would be impressed if any of you could sleep while walking around. If you find yourself falling asleep in your chair, then remove yourself from said chair. (Actually, if it's that comfy, you might consider removing the chair as well – it's got to be better than that dorm-issue one.) If the lecturer takes offense, locomote yourself out of the room and down to the SAGES office to complain about the lack of accommodation for your unique learning style.
Pre-gaming: No, this does not involve alcohol. If you think you're going to sleep in class, then sleep at home. No matter how uncomfortable your cheap bed is, that sorry excuse for a left-handed desk is probably worse. And while your professor might notice your absence, she will notice your somnolence.
Staying awake through class doesn't have to be an unending struggle. In addition to these suggestions, I'm sure you can come up with a few of your own. After all, this is the most powerful learning environment in the world.
