The Observer, September 22, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 4
Sex & Dating: Don't kiss and tell
Your relationship is flowering. In fact, it's a big, huge daisy right now. You love each other, you trust each other, and you have no secrets from each other. Or do you? While honesty is important to every relationship, there are some secrets that smart couples keep to themselves
You hate your significant other's sibling/best friend/parent. Keep it to yourself. It doesn't matter how mad your partner gets at them, it is never okay to play along. The other person was there before you were, and nasty remarks that you have about them will always sting.
How to deal: If the person does something egregious to you, it's okay to speak up. But don't character bash. As much as you can, try to work things out on your own. Figure out what bothers you about that person, and try to avoid those aspects of him or her.
You dated a close friend of your current squeeze. Nothing good can come from this confession. Nothing. It won't make your significant other feel good that you picked him. It will make him feel like hewas the grape snow cone because the prettier, faster kid got all the cherry.
How to deal: If it's burning up in you, confide in a trusted pal. Better yet, jot it in a diary. Best yet, jot it in a diary and then burn it.
You think your partner has a bad sense of humor. It's really tough when you're dating someone who is perfect in every way except that she tells boring stories and awful jokes. But it's tougher when she's crying because you told her about it. It's difficult for a person to change something like this, and it's even harder if you've made her feel anxious by telling her that she sucks at it.
How to deal: When a good story comes along, tell her how interesting it was and why. A good joke? Laugh it up. If nothing else, relish in the fact that your stories will never be outshone at a party.
You've been faking it. This is a tough one, because you're probably really frustrated. In many ways. But you got yourself into this, and you have to get yourself out. If you come out and tell him that you've been faking it, he'll lose all bedroom confidence. That's no fun.
How to deal: First, you should never fake it. Ever. But if you have, then you need to present new suggestions of things to try that you think you will like. Respond positively (and truthfully!) when you find something you like, and eventually this will become the norm and you will need to fake no more.
It can be tempting to spill it all to your partner, especially when things get serious. But there are some things that will only hurt, never help. Cheating, serious lying, STDs, these are things that will hurt but must be said. But if you're just trying to get a weight off your chest? Blabbing is not always the best plan.
