The Observer, October 13, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 7
Sex & Dating: Stress Test
It's midterm time. This can mean stress on you, your honey, and your relationship. But it's a time when having a strong partnership to lean on can really pull you through. Take some simple tips on how to survive and how to help each other deal.
Don't give motherly/fatherly advice. Maybe you two had a class together. Maybe you took copious notes while she drooled on your arm. Now is not the time to say "If you only would have…" as she's struggling to study. She knows she messed up. It's not your job to fix it, but either be compassionate or stay out of it. We've all been there.
Get outside. Your room can start to feel like a prison cell when you're studying, and having your significant other there with you can make you start to feel like someone needs to get voted off the island. Take your work outside and study at a picnic table. Better yet, grab your darling and head off for a walk or go jump in piles of leaves. Short breaks or a change of scenery can keep you from boiling over (and scalding your partner).
Get busy. Don't move your sex life to the back burner. A healthy amount of sex is nature's stress-buster. And if you're extra-stressed, let the romps fit your schedule. Now's the time to be a little daring. Try a quickie in the library stacks or in a group meeting room. If you're really brazen, try it during the day. You'll be buzzing for hours.
Set rewards. Figure out when major test or project days are and set up a reward system. Think of things you can do together, like catching a new movie or hitting your favorite bar, as well as things that you can do for each other, like a massage or a striptease. It will give you both something to look forward to, and you can feel good knowing that you are really helping each other to wind down.
Know your limits. If you know that you're a raging witch when you study, keep to yourself. Even though you might feel like having your partner around will help to keep you calm, it won't work if you're stressing your beau out with your bad behavior. If you know that you don't have time to watch three hours of Friends reruns like you two usually do, clue him in. Don't do it just to appease him or you'll get burned out and take it out on your partner. Being distant or bratty is much more tolerable if you know it will only last a few more days.
Stressful times like test weeks can really test a relationship, especially if it's new. But once you pull through, it makes your bond that much closer. You made it through a tough time together, and (hopefully!) you helped each other survive it with grace. Once you reap the rewards of your tight bond, you might (almost) look forward to finals.
