The Observer, October 20, 2006
Volume XXXIX, Issue 8
Worst Case Scenario: Case Inferno
I have an obsession with quizzes and surveys. Let's get to the good stuff. This week's "Worst Case" proudly presents: "Case Inferno." Based on your Case-related sins, you will be designated a level of hell where you will reside for remainder of your college career. At least in my version of the universe.
Dormitory/Residence Life
1. Peed in the shower.
0 (never have) 1 (only in the past) 2 (occasionally) 3 (regularly)
2. Intentionally not flushed the toilet.
0 1 2 3
3. Used someone else's toiletries/towel without telling him or her.
0 1 2 3
Cafeteria Life
1. Taken plates or utensils from Leutner/Fribley for use in your own room.
0 1 2 3
2. Grabbed an extra bag of chips/pack of cookies from Grab-It.
0 1 2 3
3. Consumed an excess of samples from Einstein's Bagels.
0 1 2 3
4. Stolen a Gatorade by reaching into a vending machine.
0 1 2 3
Academics
1. Looked at another person's paper while taking an exam.
0 1 2 3
2. Had someone do homework for you.
0 1 2 3
3. Tried to copy another person's Physics lab report while trying to avoid being caught by mydropbox.com.
0 1 2 3
Around Campus
1. Flagged down a Greenie while not actually at a Greenie stop (and then getting annoyed about it).
0 1 2 3
2. Yelled at a campus employee for no good reason except the fact you were unhappy with the rules/prices or were just having a bad day.
0 1 2 3
3. Gotten suspicious about the custodial stuff stealing your things and have made overt attempts to try and show your suspicion.
0 1 2 3
4. Returned a textbook to the bookstore in less than stellar condition (and getting away with it).
0 1 2 3
Add up your scores from all of the questions and get ready to learn your fate.
0 – 12 (1st circle)
You are really a clean individual. Someone should place a small halo around your head. I am sure someone can make you one in a Mech. E. lab in the basement of Bingham.
13 – 21 (2nd circle)
Not so squeaky clean. Go clean yourself up in the showers of Veale.
22 – 30 (3rd circle)
More than likely, you answered '3' to one or multiple questions. I'm not sure if I want to know which one(s). However, it still seems as if you are being pulled in many directions in terms of undergrad morality. Go to the Office of Undergraduate Studies to get your stuff sorted out .
31 – 39 (4th circle)
Unsure about going over the edge, you still hold reservations about whether you really want to be a bad person or not. Reflect while walking about the Wade Lagoon (and try not to get mugged).
40 – 48 (5th circle)
You are officially morally and spiritually bankrupt. Congratulations. The only place you are worthy of is the sewer between Storrs and Leutner.
Ultimately, you are going to commit one wrongdoing or another. No one is perfect. But some of us are more perfect than others. Have a safe and fun fall break.
