The Observer, November 9, 2007
Volume XL, Issue 10
Sex & Dating: Flirting 101
I feel like the term "flirting" has gotten an interesting reputation around college campuses these days. Some people think flirting is joking around with someone, while others liken it to insinuating that you'd like to throw them up against a wall in a fury of passion. I think we can all agree that there is an invisible dial in everyone that can either get them to turn up or down their flirtatiousness, but where do we go from there? What is flirting and how does it work?
For the purpose of this column, I'm going to define flirting as a form of communication that carries with it the intent to make yourself appear attractive. So why do we want to make ourselves more attractive? Not just because we want to get some. It's a form of raising your own personal confidence and self-awareness and helps you make more friends. And what about the people who flirt but don't want to make themselves appear more attractive? Well, excuse my saying so, but they're pretty much kidding themselves. We all want to be something we don't think we are sometimes…why else would we read sex and dating columns?
Flirting is not rocket science. Everybody can flirt and everybody should, because it really is a lot of fun and makes you feel better when you know you've flattered somebody else. The first thing to do is remember to be sincere. If you're going to flirt with someone, you should be real about it, because people tend to be able to spot those who come on too strong from a mile away. The best way to do it is to jump right in, and if you are insecure, I'd recommend starting on strangers. Starting with the person you've been after for months will make you too nervous and ironically enough, you will need practice being yourself in front of everyone else before you can be yourself around a person you have feelings for. So, if you notice something particularly becoming about someone, compliment them sincerely. If you really mean what you are saying, the results will be worth the effort.
Next, it's important to work what you've got: your face. Smile and practice good eye contact. A smile is the simplest form of flattery, because it shows a person genuine interest and lets them know that for a moment, you were the only thing on their mind. And the best part is it comes naturally. Good eye contact is also essential, especially if you hold onto their gaze for a few seconds longer than you normally would. Show them you're not the type of person to turn away from something great! And lastly, be interested in them. This means be a good listener and ask questions about them. Hopefully if you are interested in them you'll want to know more about their life anyway, but if you are nervous, be conscious of what seems important to them and ask about it.
Don't let flirting become this hyped-up, mystifying thing that you are either good or bad at. The best advice I can give is use what you have to get what you want. You may get it sooner than you think if you don't try too hard.
