The Observer, November 16, 2007
Volume XL, Issue 11
Sex & Dating: Distance dating
This one's for those of you in long distance relationships, either with someone from back home or someone attending another school. I admire you people. It definitely takes a lot to keep up with someone who you hardly ever see, not to mention the effort it can take to calm your worried mind when you think about everything they could possibly be doing that you will never know about. Just in time for many of you to go home over Thanksgiving break to reunite with your long distance partner, I wanted to provide some helpful dos and don'ts of distance dating.
Do know how to communicate. Obviously communication is pivotal, but no communication will occur if one of you prefers to talk over the phone and the other is more apt to talk online. It sounds basic and almost insignificant, but I actually had a long distance relationship end once because I communicated better through e-mail and my ex-boyfriend found it very impersonal that I wasn't always the first one to pick up the phone. My advice is to try several modes of communication, pick one or two that work well for both of you, and make it a point to use them frequently.
Don't adopt a 'wait and see' attitude. A lot of people turn good relationships into long distance relationships at the end of high school because they are insecure in thinking that distance dating won't work but don't want to put a stop to what they have. If you have this kind of attitude coming in, save yourself the trouble and get out now, because just like in relationships with closer physical proximity, both people need to be committed and proactive in order for it to work.
Do plan to meet each other. There is nothing more important than making plans to meet each other while you're home for breaks or for the weekend, because it will help you catch up on all the things you can't do together when you're apart. (Hint hint!) Additionally, nothing beats the anticipation you get when you know you're going to see someone you really want to spend time with. Not only does it give you excitement, but it eliminates the loneliness that is most commonly associated with distance dating.
Don't take the relationship lightly. The absence of your significant other does not give you a license to dictate what the state of your relationship is. They have their own right to participate in the decision-making toward the well-being of your relationship no matter where they are. In order to treat your partner fairly, recognize that a long distance relationship is just as important as a normal relationship. If you have something to hide, you shouldn't use it to your benefit that they will never know unless you tell them. That is a clear sign that you probably shouldn't be in a long distance relationship at all because you can't handle being voluntarily honest.
For the people who are in long distance relationships that are doing just fine, kudos to you. But if you feel for any reason that you are not, please do something about it as soon as possible (maybe while you're home for Thanksgiving). Definitely do not take these do's and don'ts as golden rules, but more as guidelines to help you consider what the emotional climate of your long distance relationship is.
