The Observer, November 30, 2007
Volume XL, Issue 12
Sex & Dating: I'll be there for you
As we begin to close in on finals, the behavior of the whole campus is changing. People are stressed about tests and papers that will determine their final grades, they're pulling more all-nighters, and they're starting to neglect everything else in their life that isn't related to studying. For those of you in relationships with people who get a little crazy come finals time, it can be difficult to be totally supportive of them all the time. When you feel like you're starting to lose it with your partner, keep the following advice in mind.
The first thing to remember is not to get angry. When your girlfriend cancels a date on you to study, it's natural to feel disappointed, especially if you were looking forward to spending time with her. Try not to let this disappointment go beyond what you feel internally, though, since nobody wants to bear the weight of guilt in addition to that nervous feeling you get right before a test. If you really want to say something to express that you're upset, spin it in a positive way. Instead of saying that you wanted to see her tonight, say that you can't wait until the next time you see her and you're really proud of her commitment to her schoolwork. We all need a little boost from the people we care about every now and then, and it will mean so much to her if you show your support in the form of praise.
Next, learn to respect the things that are important to your significant other. Few things are more touching than when someone shows that they value something because they know how much it means to you. This definitely goes for academics, especially if you don't have classes or majors in common. For instance, if your significant other is majoring in English and you're an engineer, ask them about what their latest paper is on. I know I totally nerd out when someone asks me about what I'm researching for class these days, and I always appreciate that someone who may not share my passion respects me enough to ask about it.
Lastly, try not to be a distraction. When you know your boyfriend really has to get his work done, respect that he needs the time and space to do it no matter how badly you want to be there to make sure he's OK or help him relieve his stress. He will let you know when he's been productive enough to spend time with you, and when he does, take the time to ask what will make him feel better when he's on edge. For some people, they just need to vent how much they hate their professors, and others will relax after they watch television for a little while. Your boyfriend doesn't need someone to keep him from his work, but chances are good he'll want someone to forget about it with.
Supporting someone you care about is one of the best things you can do to strengthen your relationship with them. It can be as simple as writing them a good-luck note or as extravagant as sending flowers, but remember that any way of showing that you understand when they're stressed out is sure to mean a lot to them.
