The Observer, December 7, 2007
Volume XL, Issue 13
Single and fabulous
Around the holidays, nothing can make you feel more warm and fuzzy inside than having someone to cuddle with, give presents to, and kiss under the mistletoe. Unless you don't have a significant other, in which case, screw all the happy people who aren't miffed at all by having multiple finals and papers due all at the same time. For those of you who are single around this time of year, look on the bright side. You don't have to feel obligated to get your boyfriend a better present than he's going to get you, worry about feeling sad while you're away from each other over winter break, or deal with someone distracting you when you're trying to study. Still feel a little down? Well don't, because you're hot and I'm going to try to make you believe that.
Just like I think flirting has a bad reputation, I also think being single has a nasty stigma attached to it. People expect you to be looking if you're not with someone and to be in constant pursuit of a relationship, especially if they are happy and think you would be more so if you had a significant other. But please don't buy into this! There is a lot to be said for standing on your own; most importantly, that you're confident about who you are, and if you're not, you should be. You have your own life and your own friends and you do your own things, and what's wrong with that?
A lot of people who are in relationships can sometimes be defined by their significant other and everything their life entails. Think about it. When someone asks how you are, they don't ask how your girlfriend is doing five seconds later as a social grace – they want to know how you are doing specifically. So hopefully now you feel a little bit better about yourself, but that still doesn't solve the problem of having to face the judgment of other people.
During this time of year, there are all sorts of social opportunities that call for needing to have a date. The problem for single people is this: do you bring someone that falls into the friend category, or a filler date (a set-up or someone who you might like but are mostly sure nothing will happen)? My recommendation is to bring a friend, especially if you are super-conscious of being single and are nervous about it. Having a filler date can be a little awkward, especially if the setting is amongst people you are very familiar with and you don't know your date all that well. It's a lot less nervewracking to take someone you know you can just be yourself with, because it shows that you are both comfortable with yourselves and don't feel like you need to prove something to everyone around you.
No matter what happens, be proud of who you are, and take it on good faith if you aren't with anyone right now. It means that you have standards and you aren't settling for just anybody. Most importantly, don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for not being in a relationship. You are always in control of the way you choose to see a situation, so instead of feeling down on yourself, choose to be optimistic. The people who are single and fabulous are the ones who know they are.
