The Observer, January 25, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 14
Sex & Dating: New Year's relationship resolutions
Now that we're back on campus and in the swing of studying too hard, staying up too late, and just being too busy, I'm mostly sure we've all forgotten about our New Year's resolutions. Hats off to you if you haven't forgotten and are sticking to them, but if you're like me and didn't even think about making them until it was too late, I'm about to give you a cheat sheet. I asked around what some people's relationship resolutions for the year were, and I came up with my top three:
Have more sex. I wish I did. I bet you wish you did, too. Actually, most of the people I asked pretty much told me they just wanted to have more sex. But how do you go about accomplishing that? The moral of the story is that it's important to make more time in your relationship to enjoy each other. Don't get too wrapped up in resetting your schedule at the beginning of the semester to fit in academics and extracurricular activities. Make at least several times a week for your significant other. Maybe you do this already, but for people who are inherently busy, I believe that scheduling time to spend with people you love makes you more productive the rest of the time. Next, you should stick to those times and not change them around constantly or make excuses. Finally, the most crucial thing is that you don't spend all your time together whining about homework and your friends. Then, with all those precious moments you don't waste chattering, you can have more sex. Or if that doesn't work, I'm sure you could just ask for more sex. Either way, I'd say your odds of getting some will probably increase.
Another relationship resolution I heard was not to spend so much time with your partner that you forget about your friends. In the honeymoon phase of relationships, many couples only have eyes for each other and nobody else. However, it's not likely that your significant other is your only friend, so please don't neglect the people who would love you whether or not you had a relationship and encourage your partner not to either. Ask your friends to hold you accountable for hanging out with them, particularly if you don't trust yourself to get out of your boyfriend's arms for a few hours. If they really are your friends, they'll be happy to do it, and then you'll have more time to miss your partner.
The last relationship resolution I want to share is to create more variety in the things you do when you're together. Relationship ruts, where you do the same things at the same time every week and it starts to become monotonous, are common. The best advice I have for this is to challenge each other to come up with something new to do every week. I used to play a game with an ex where he'd decide where to have dinner that night and I'd decide where to have dessert, but we wouldn't reveal our plans until we were on the way. Little things like that can make you go from feeling stuck to being the couple everyone envies and creating really nice memories of times you spent together.
The most important advice I can give is to stick to your relationship resolutions, just like you stick to the other ones. Set goals for yourself, keep each other motivated, and don't take it too seriously. Good luck!
To contact Kali, or to suggest column ideas, drop her an e-mail at goddesskali@case.edu.
