The Observer, February 8, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 16
Worst Case Scenario: My own worst enemy
Sometimes you are your own worst enemy. When this occurs, you may swiftly find yourself as one of the unfortunate number who turn a best case scenario into the worst.
An example: As a freshman, I had newly discovered the desire for all free things, no matter if I needed them or not. I'd spotted the cake as I passed through Thwing, as always, with a sharp eye for giveaways; it was soft and delicious-looking, piled high with creamy frosting. As I walked home carrying my hard-won trophy, I noticed a group of fraternity men coming my way. This thought was soon followed by an acute awareness of all the people around me. I started to wonder if carrying a piece of cake a mile to my dorm didn't make me look a little foolish – or gluttonous. My thought process went wild. The group of boys was about 10 feet away when it happened. In the now-laborious process of walking, I took a wrong step and tripped. I almost landed face first on the asphalt, but with a Herculean effort, caught myself and regained my balance. I smiled at the vaguely concerned boys and gave a cursory glance at my plate…where my cake was no longer sitting. Afraid of what I might see, I raised my eyes and saw the now-mangled confection resting less than six inches away from the feet of the closest boys. Laughing only to keep from crying, I moved to pick up the cake as they walked away – clearly taking me for an insane and possibly dangerous wild woman.
I know I'm not the only one who has ever done something foolish or embarrassing, but what causes us to do such things? It was not until my second year of psychology that I knew: Freud postulated that we have a subconscious death wish, which in times of stress can urge us to take risks that could cause us bodily harm. With all due respect to the father of psychoanalysis, I believe that our subconscious wish is more subtle – if not less hazardous. I call it the "Drop Out to the Circus" wish. Each and every college student has an unconscious desire to fail out and join the circus, throwing all of their former cares to the wind.
The more I think about this theory, the more it explains. College students, despite every intention to get a 4.0, spend their nights being entertained by video games and television. They sleep instead of study, and procrastinate endlessly. Then at the end of the semester, they wonder what could have possibly caused them to waste their time this way. It was the subconscious Drop Out to the Circus wish! They don't consciously try to sabotage their grades, but they do – in this way, they will be more likely to fail out of college.
But now that you know what your mind is trying to tell you, is that really what you want? Once you join the circus you have to work long hours, move all the time, and probably clean out the stables every once in a while, all the while making a fool of yourself at regular intervals. If this doesn't sound like the life for you, the cycle can be broken by a minor intervention regime. Simply put, relax and enjoy what you're doing.
I would have been better served to impress the boys simply by being my proud, cake-loving self. Just do the things that make you happy without worrying what other people will think. There will probably always be some jerk who thinks you're an idiot, but for every one of those, there are a thousand other people who are too worried about their own breathing, walking, and cake-carrying to care.
