The Observer, February 22, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 18
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: Safety and security
Some things never change on campus. There are issues, ideas, and idiosyncrasies that have plagued this campus like syphilis has plagued loose women for centuries. My senioritis has given me lots of time to reflect on my past four years here and those ideas in desperate need of penicillin. Here are my personal records and evaluations of some of those issues.
My high school graduation party provided me with a number of gifts designed to aid me in my transition to college. Most of it was well-appreciated cash, but also other necessities such as shelving, stationary, box fans, sheets, towels, a bulletproof vest, and a handgun. OK, so I didn't quite get all of those things, but it seemed like I should have. I was coming to the Compton of Ohio. I halfway expected my first midterms to come with a complimentary cap in my ass.
This was compounded by the armed gunman who assaulted our campus, resulting in a very cheerful security officer in front of PBL every day. Then, two more terrible fiascos occur to the south then west which I would really like to joke about, but nothing I can think of would do justice to those impacted by the events. Between all of this, people won't shut their traps about the lack of safety on this campus.
But all of these examples have nothing to do with safety. They are issues of security, and I don't know how to make this campus any more secure outside mounting some Star Trek lasers on top of the blue-light phones. There are four different police departments who patrol this campus, a security department, and even an on-campus EMS troop. The fact that people feel comfortable sleeping outside in the middle of the quad with laptops, PDAs, cell phones, and purses lying about is testament to the safety of campus.
That being said, this campus is by no means the safest place in the world. I am not so much afraid of crime, but of stupid people. In all four years, I have never crossed a street without thinking which alligator or log I will soon be jumping on to make it across the stream that is inevitably is on the other side of this frog-esque adventure. Buildings assault students so much that sidewalks need to be altered to accommodate the particular buildings. Although if I looked like some of these buildings do, I would heave whatever I could get my hands on at whatever was walking by.
In the end, the safety issue boils down to issues out of our control. When I know that I can sleep anywhere I want at just about any time, or when I can walk home across campus and feel safe because inevitably there is a police car right around the corner getting ready to bust me doing something stupid, I know that this is a safe place to be. Students need to stop taking for granted that this campus is the most secure spot in illustrious Cleveland, Ohio.
