The Observer, March 7, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 20
Supporting your significant other
Everybody has problems. Whether you are worried about your grades, you have stuff going on with your friends or family, or you are just too busy and stressed out, there are bound to be issues that crop up and affect everything else in your life. If you are stressed about your grades or fighting with your friends, you may unnecessarily snap at your family or start to slack off going to club meetings or class. If you have a significant other, any problem or issue is going to impact them, no matter what you do, and vice versa. It's difficult to watch your boy or girlfriend go through something stressful or painful to them, and it's even more difficult to feel like there's nothing you can do to help them. However, this does not mean that they stop caring about you, so it will mean a lot if you show them you still care as well.
The first way to do this is to listen. We have twice as many ears as mouths for a reason. A lot of times, people who are really stressing just want to let it out in excruciating detail and feel like someone who cares is taking it all in and is showing a vested interest in what's going on in their life. Venting may seem counterproductive, since often you feel angrier when you're done than you do to begin with, but it's important that you don't bottle things up inside you. And who better to vent to than someone who really wants to know what's happening? It will make you feel better to confide things in a person who wants to be a part of your life, because then you are no longer alone in fighting your problem – you have a supporter. Also, after the venting has occurred, it's never a bad idea to check in on your significant other from time to time over the next few days to see how they're doing. They will know you really listened when they speak to you and you want to know how things are progressing.
Second, remember that if they have a problem in their lives outside of your relationship, it's not about you. Don't take it personally if when they are with you, they seem preoccupied or distant unless they specifically say they are upset about something in the relationship. When someone is really angry, usually they are not thinking too much about how they appear to other people especially the people they know they can be themselves around. Just try to be fair and supportive if they snap at you out of anger.
Lastly, offer helpful solutions. I understand that this is easier said than done, since it's hard to know what to do for someone if their problem has nothing to do with you. But words that come from the heart will be appreciated at the very least, and are sometimes the best answers to their problem. If you can't offer a solution, tell them that you are willing to make time for them to have dinner or coffee and allow them to let off some steam. Sometimes kind gestures solve problems better than dramatic ones.
