The Observer, March 21, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 21
Keeping a healthy relationship
As the weather gets better after spring break, things are generally looking up across campus. The snow is finally melting, the stress of midterms is fading, and we're moving out of cold season. In fact, speaking of feeling better, there is no better time than now to evaluate the health of your relationship, no matter how long you've been in one. People who are in strong, committed relationships are constantly assessing how their relationship is doing, or what role it plays in the rest of their lives. If you have no clue what I'm talking about, keep reading.
Relationships work best when people check in on themselves and with their partners about whether things are going well and everyone's needs are being met. How do you do this? First, it's important to define what stage you are at in your relationship, and that's pretty easy to do. If you're in the beginning of the relationship, you know it, because you're probably walking on eggshells trying to impress your significant other. If you're moving toward long term, you're probably starting to automatically schedule your partner into your life and think about how they figure into the near future. If you're in a long-term relationship, you're probably best friends with your boyfriend or girlfriend and feel comfortable telling them anything. No matter what stage you are in, though, maintaining the health of your relationship is important. Use this as a checklist of "to-dos" that you can reference to ensure that you are both taking good care of your relationship.
First, slow down. It's never a good idea to rush into things, especially when you are looking like you're going to be spending a lot of time with this person. Make sure you take your time getting to know each other, and understand that there is no set amount of time in which you can get to know someone. Also, be consistent with the way you approach problems and conversations, as inconsistent behavior can cause misunderstandings. Building on that, it's important that you're approaching problems together. This is how relationships tend to fall apart – people try to fix problems on their own while their significant other is completely unaware that there is a problem. This is what necessitates keeping tabs on the health of your relationship in the first place, so make sure you stop to talk about things whenever one of you is angry instead of just stewing. It will make you feel closer and build up your strength as a couple.
The last few things you should do to maintain the health of your relationship are a little happier, especially since one of them is remembering to keep things upbeat. If both of you express a positive attitude about the way things are going and have faith that you can get through disagreements and be better for it, it'll change your perspective. Next, make sure you appreciate each other's differences. Everyone has their own distinctive habits, and appreciating your partner's makes them feel like you care about them for who they are and don't want them to change. Last but not least, express commitment. Whichever stage you are in, reassuring your partner that you'll be with them no matter what happens is one of the best ways to keep things afloat, because it makes both of you feel better that you're really invested in the relationship.
