The Observer, April 18, 2008
Volume XL, Issue 25
Sex & Dating: A little help from your friends
Hopefully, whether or not you are in a relationship, you have friends. Everyone does, whether they are friends you've stuck with since freshman year, friends you are just getting to know, or friends from back home. Having friends actually plays a very important role in your romantic relationships – when you think about it, your relationships with your friends shouldn't be too much unlike your romantic relationships. Friends impact your relationship status, whether you are single or attached, in a myriad of ways.
If you're single, your friends can set you up on dates if you wish to not be single (or sometimes even if you do – plenty of good relationships start through mutual friends introducing people accidentally). In fact, if you are looking to date, your friends are the first resource I would recommend going to. Not only do they know you and your tastes well, but they will know how to filter their acquaintances by your preferences. It's a little awkward to ask your friends if they know anyone that might be right for you, but look at it this way: the chances of finding a good relationship with a little help are better than your odds being out there on your own.
Another way your friends are helpful while you are not in a relationship is that they fill the gap very nicely. Think Sex and the City – through the ups and downs between relationships and hookups, many times what everyone really needs are their friends to accept and love them for who they are. So, never feel as though you need a relationship to be complete, because you have relationships with your friends all around you to keep you going.
If you're in a relationship, the trick is to keep your friends incorporated into your life. As mentioned in previous columns, it's never any fun when a friend gets into a relationship and suddenly you never see or hear from them again. To achieve this goal of relationship unity, the first and most obvious thing to do is introduce the parties if they don't know each other and make sure they feel comfortable. A lot of times your friends or your partner can feel threatened by the other, and then things become really uncomfortable for you, especially if it's left unsaid. So by introducing everyone and making a conscious effort to involve everyone, your friends still feel loved and so does your boyfriend or girlfriend. This can be useful, because if your friends know your significant other, usually they can tell immediately where things are headed (either in a good or bad direction) when you are too blinded by love to notice. Rely on them to help you stay grounded and keep your life in balance, because chances are you could be doing that for them someday.
In my opinion, friendships are the most important relationships anyone can have in their life. Your friends are ideally people who will treat you fairly and won't judge you, so make sure you take the time to tell them you appreciate them, whether you are single or not!
