The Observer, October 5, 2007
Volume XL, Issue 6
I'm too busy to love you
He's funny, thoughtful, and adorable and he causes you to melt whenever you see him. He's involved on campus, but his grades are important and you know he's really going somewhere in life. In a word, he's perfect, and by some fantastic stroke of luck, he likes you and wants to date you. You get excited because you're head over heels, so you start calling and trying to set dates up, only to be faced with responses like, "I'm so sorry, but I have to finish a paper," or, "I'd love to, but I have a meeting." What's up with this guy? You're sure he wouldn't just say he liked you, but he just flat out doesn't have time to prove that he does. Well, why won't he make time? What if he's scared and doesn't want to? What if he doesn't really like you?
Does this sound at least moderately familiar? No worries! Being in a relationship with a busy person or even being the busy person yourself can be irritating sometimes, but it's something that plenty of college students experience and learn to deal with. The first thing to do is decide how much this person means to you. Can you handle only seeing them a few times a week and sometimes adjusting yourself to their schedule? Are you committed to being with someone who can't always be able to put spending time with you first? If not, then don't put up with it; get out of the relationship before you get hurt or hurt someone else.
If you decide that it's worth it, then you already know that relationships require good communication. This is even more important if one or both of you is a busy person, which can mean a lot of different things. For instance, it could mean calling each other once every other day to see how things are going. In a Case context, it could mean e-mailing every so often just to let them know you're thinking about them. Personally, I like to write little notes and have mutual friends deliver them if I know I won't see him. But more importantly, it means making time to talk about your relationship. Set rules like making it a priority to call each other or having one or two nights a week where you spend time together, even if you're just studying. This is a little extreme, but I've even heard of couples who schedule sex. It sounds rigid, but hopefully before you know it, routine will become tradition and you'll look forward to the nights you know you'll be together.
One of the most important things you can do for someone you care about is showing them that you care. Being college students, it's easy to forget things due to too much homework and not enough sleep, but it's absolutely essential that you don't forget to take two minutes every day to tell a loved one that you love them. Especially your significant other! Remind them in your own way that even though you can't always be together, they're still in your thoughts. This can also manifest itself in supporting them in what they do. And lastly, in the time that you do get to spend together, ask about what's going on in their lives and really listen. This will strengthen your bond and make you feel more like a team and less like two separate people with separate lives.
