Even if your virginity is gone with the wind that was high school, the first time you have sex with a new partner can still be nerve-racking. How will you know what they like and don’t like? Should you reach for the furry pink handcuffs, or is it too early for that?

Maybe the hardest part about the whole ordeal isn’t the contents of your or your partner’s pants, but actually knowing what is going on. How do you know if “it” is going to happen this time?

If you’ve fooled around before, this can be even trickier to decipher. You don’t want to freak yourself out and lose the magic of the moment by going through a mental checklist to see if everything is going as usual.

Okay, he just kissed my neck…he hasn’t done that before…maybe this is going somewhere. Oh, his socks are still on, he can’t possibly think I’m going to have sex with him while he is wearing socks. Never mind.

If one of you is polite in the bedroom, somewhere along the way from Kissimmee, Fla. to Licking County, Ohio and all the way to Hancock (yes, these are real places), the question of “are you sure?” or “is this okay?” will pop up.

No matter how long you’ve known each other, from five minutes to five years, it is always respectable to make sure your partner is on the same page as you. It’s not a stupid question, either; sometimes body language can be difficult to read – especially in the dark.

When you’re both aware that the deed is about to be done and you are comfortable with it, here are a few tips to keep in mind for your first romp together.

If you are a sexploratory lover, maybe you should keep it simple the first time to avoid crossing any boundaries. To some people, the reverse cowgirl doesn’t actually involve a lasso and spurs. In the same vein, don’t try to impress someone with your mastery of the Kama Sutra or any other special techniques unless you know they are up to it. If your boyfriend is a mechanic with the spine of an 80-year-old man, it’s probably best not to pretzel yourself around him, lest you hear an unwelcome crack, followed by a shriek of pain.

Moral of the story: don’t overthink anything, go with what feels right, and be considerate of your partner’s wants and needs. And please, for the love of kittens, take off your socks.