After sitting in many meetings, reading countless Observer articles, and chatting with fellow bitter students, I’ve realized we are closer than ever to campus civil war. Even though Barbara Snyder balanced the budget in a year, provided funding for a new student center, and fixed that annoying cobblestone sidewalk outside Yost, she has no power compared to the Student Executive Council (SEC).

In fact, the SEC is becoming the local campus oligarchy. Just imagine: a couple of Thursdays a month the SEC brings together a few important people, sits in a posh room, sips expensive drinks, and makes important decisions with little thought about their minions – err students. On second thought, sipping Coke in the USG office isn’t exactly posh, but you get the picture.

In case you just came to campus, the SEC brings all of your forgettable acronyms into one room: UPB, USG, IFC, PHC, RHA, COC, and Media Board (who oddly enough kept their full name). They claim they join together to solve problems and look out for the students and their cash. They occasionally send out a survey asking what problems they could talk about only to abruptly toss those problems away for their own personal gripes – see salaries and Greek Life allocations.

In the spirit of improving campus on my own, one article at a time, I sat down and listed five areas the SEC could help change to improve the CWRU campus experience:

One: Stop attempting to fix my campus experience! The obvious fix would be more bars within walking distance, more late night eating options, and a grocery store closer than a marathon distance away, but you haven’t tackled those problems yet.

Two: Where and when do these mysterious people trying to improve my life meet? I suggest you start a public relations campaign to improve your shady image by chalking cheerful messages to freshman, plastering signs illegally around campus, and painting ominous writings on the spirit wall like ‘Ignorance is Strength.’

Three: Why haven’t you discussed important topics like a walkway over Euclid Avenue? Seriously, my campus experience would be heightened if I could avoid stopping at the corner of Euclid and Adelbert during the winter to hear Mark scream at me to ‘hold up.’ There are long term benefits including less time spent in the snow, more time for Mark to keep us safe, and the ability to be on-time to class for once (if the latter is desirable).

Four: Have you thought about taking your all-encompassing power and using it to lower my tuition? Every year my tuition goes up, but I find myself getting the same services. Wouldn’t you be miffed if the dollar menu suddenly became the two dollar menu?

Five: My campus experience would be unbelievably positive if one of the student group acronyms was not COC.

This is your chance, SEC. Show up Babs by taking these steps to improve our lives.

But wait! What’s going to happen when they realize I don’t have a budget handy?