Aries: Betrayal is in your future. You think you can trust your roommate, but that will change after they eat your leftover Chipotle without asking.
Taurus: Delete the Netflix account before it’s too late.
Gemini: You will go broke soon, if you haven’t already. Remember, Gemini: there are two Starbucks locations on campus and your CaseCash is limited.
Cancer: Get to know your RA. They’re a great resource (until halfway through the semester when they get busy, party and forget they have students to check in with).
Leo: You will bring your new laptop to class planning to take detailed notes, but after the first 10 minutes you’ll start scrolling through Facebook and Twitter. Find out if the professor posts the notes on Canvas.
Virgo: One of the five $200 textbooks you buy from the campus bookstore will make a nice paperweight under your lofted bed.
Libra: Signing up for the 8:30 a.m. class will be your biggest regret
Scorpio: Call your mom at least once a week. You may dread the reminder of home, but it’ll keep her sending you snacks and eventually, when you inevitably need it, bail money.
Ophiuchus: Think Beyond the Possible and make some friends.
Sagittarius: If you enjoy Leutner during your first week, give it time. You will stop enjoying the stir fry station by the first of the month.
Capricorn: You will walk into the wrong classroom on Aug. 27 and feel humiliated because it’s your first college blunder. Get used to it, though, because it’s the first of many.
Aquarius: In three weeks, you will know, down to the second, how quickly you need to walk to avoid awkward confrontation with that chatty guy you met during Diversity 360.
Pisces: By the Sept. 10, you’ll have to wash your bed sheets due to constant sweating from the heat and lack of air conditioning. You were wrong when you thought the box fan would keep you moderately cool.