Major spoilers for “Super Mario Galaxy.”

I mean, it was fine I guess.

I should preface this review by saying I am the target demographic for this movie. I pointed at the screen when the Tostarenans—the skull guys from “Super Mario Odyssey” (2017) —appeared, pogged when the Corneria leitmotif played for Fox McCloud and instantly recognized the red star power-up—which Mario can only get around endgame of “Super Mario Galaxy” (2007)—from my childhood years of soaring around the fully-restored Comet Observatory. Every time a visual or auditory reference appeared, I could feel my brain cells rubbing together. This film truly maximized my ability to point at the screen and go, “That’s the thing! The thing from Mario!”

But when the credits faded out, I sat back in my seat, blinked twice and any lingering sense of satisfaction left me.

I tried to recall any character arcs that moved me and came up short. I tried to think of setpieces that really left an impression on me. I suppose the Dinosaur Bridge was cool? I tried to think of my favorite character, but all I could think of was Fox McCloud, the one non-Mario character, and he has maybe 6 minutes of screentime.

“The Super Mario Galaxy Movie” is 98 minutes of visually-rich key-jingling. There’s nothing to really chew on after the credits roll. But unlike other, more forgettable media of similar substance-less-ness, the movie had the additional challenge of adapting a massively successful game with a very distinct game-feel, by virtue of being named after the dang thing.

To be clear, I did not expect the movie to exactly retell the plot of the original game even though it’s one of the few Mario games that has one. Mainline Mario plots are famously bare-bones: Bowser kidnapped Peach, go save her. This allows their gimmick-filled platforming gameplay to take center stage, and, based on sales and general acclaim, that’s all the games need. This means, in general, Mario games feel cheerful and bombastic, with colorful levels, creative applications of power ups and real time gameplay keeping it at the forefront of your attention. It makes sense that the “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” (2023) had to lend some depth to the Mario characters in order to tell a story.

However, among Mario games, “Galaxy” was one of the few games that had more story elements in addition to the usual kidnapping, which really set the game apart. Since the developers wanted a space setting to justify unique gravity gimmicks, they needed a hub world to navigate between each level. A few developers then decided to add more backstory into why the hub exists, and the resulting “Galaxy” contemplates topics like the loneliness of space and what one can find in that.

At the center of these moments of contemplation are the Comet Observatory and Princess Rosalina. After completing each cheerful level, the player is placed back in the Comet Observatory, allowing us to take a breather and explore the empty bedrooms, baths and kitchens of a lonely goddess’s home. In the library, we set our Wii remotes down and listen to Rosalina tell us a story about a girl who ran away to play among the stars because she could not bear the grief of losing her mother. But eventually, despite the friends she makes traveling through space, the girl breaks down, weeping and homesick. At the end of the game, with Bowser defeated, a massive black hole forms and begins to swallow everything in the universe. Thousands of baby stars fly into the black hole to try to prevent it. The universe ends. Then, it explodes back outward in a brilliant light and we float in the genesis of a new universe while a galaxy-sized Rosalina watches over and delivers a weirdly existential message for a Mario game:

“When stars die they turn to stardust and scatter across the cosmos. Eventually, that stardust reforms to create a new star … and so the cycle of life continues. But the cycle never repeats itself in quite the same way … So … you’ll see.”

A story like that can be eye-opening to a child. “Super Mario Galaxy” is not a philosophical masterpiece nor a Shakespearean tragedy, but it had an identity, a message and a uniquely hopeful take on the vastness of outer space which meant something to thousands of players. Of all the Mario games to adapt to a movie, this one would’ve been a special pleasure to see on the big screen since it already has a highly moving plot and beautiful galaxies to be rendered.

Instead they gave Rosalina’s role to a non-Mario character who hasn’t had a new game in a decade, threw out her backstory for a barely-elaborated new one and did nothing thoughtful with the space theme or the Comet Observatory.

This isn’t to say I wanted the movie to feel lonely. When they first revealed Gateway Galaxy to be a bustling spaceship hub, I was fascinated by their take on a universe in which previously desolate planets now were widely used and accessible to the average universal citizen. Foolishly, I hoped to see the other lonely galaxies from the games now reimagined to be bustling residential areas or transport hubs. Developing the world like this would have been a fresh take on the source material and set up a robust universe for future films!

Unfortunately the Mario movies seem to take a plot philosophy much like their games, which does not work in a medium that runs for 98 minutes without interactability. It’s like being strapped to a chair and watching a computer play every Mario game at once.

In addition to barebones and reskinned themes from Galaxy, the movie borrows aesthetics from “Super Mario Odyssey” (the Cascade Kingdom’s T-Rex and the Lost Kingdom’s Dragon) and references “Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island” by randomly turning the Mario brothers into babies. These scenes make for snappy action sequences which don’t affect plot or any character trajectory in any way. To reference with a heavy hand is not inherently bad, but choosing to create a reference-maximized movie with no time for the characters to comprehend the world they were traversing or the feelings they were feeling makes for a shallow movie. There were no contemplative moments that let us gaze into the quiet vastness of space, nor tears of worry shed for loved ones worlds apart. The Lumas do not have time to wail for their kidnapped mother, because they’re too busy hyping up Fox McCloud.

An IGN interview with creator of Mario Shigeru Miyamoto and Illumination founder Chris Meledandri published April 1 includes an admission that the setpieces were hodgepodged from so many different games, “because when things are too predictable, [Meledandri finds] that it’s not exciting us and it’s not exciting our creative teams.” They treat the original games like TikTok editors treat their source media and as a result create a product much like TikTok edits—spectacular visual sensations that rely on prior experience to imply meaning. Watching an edit with no context might have you wowed by the visuals in the moment, but you walk away empty. Watching “The Super Mario Galaxy Movie” might have you wowed by the visuals in the moment, but you walk away empty.

But perhaps the real issue isn’t the writers’ inability to develop concepts, it is the intended audience. Later in the same interview, Miyamoto and Meledandari were asked about why they included all the references.

“So what happens is that the team actually is driven to delight Miyamoto-san. […] So when ideas come up, everybody’s always looking to say “‘what does Miyamoto-san think?’” Meledandari said. This implies that the key-jingling rapid-fire reference-laden action sequences of the movie is 100% Shigeru Miyamoto approved. I’m starting to understand why this man is a brilliant game designer—and why expertise in one field does not beget expertise in another.

I should mention that I did enjoy the 2-D animated sequence for Fox McCloud’s intro, the overall movie score and the animation quality. But no amount of delicious condiments can save an empty dish. I pray that they screen the next one against a test audience that is larger than just Mr. Miyamoto.

Sadly I doubt the directors need to care about any criticism coming their way since this movie will make a billion dollars because it’s Mario. Under the unimaginable vastness of a $372 million global box office, I feel lost. Does my opinion even matter? Am I just shouting into space? Will anything come of my voice?

Rosalina’s storybook ends in bittersweet happiness. The girl realizes she can’t ever go home again but she resolves to make the stars her new home. I suppose that means I must make the best of what we got … and buy the next “Star Fox” game so Fox McCloud doesn’t spend another 10 years bumming around in the Super Mario Universe.