For the girls who frequent carding institutions off and around campus, we can all appreciate the fun of hanging out with friends you might have missed seeing over the busy school week, getting ready together to the sound of a shared playlist blaring from a communal speaker and asking if you can borrow your roommate’s party top for the night out. Bars are a fun space for those of and over the drinking age to let loose. Especially after a long week of frustrations that come with sleepless nights of locking in. However, specifically for women who meet new women there, these bars become more than just a way to relax—they represent a haven of solidarity and camaraderie.

Womanhood is an exchange of dynamics—being the one to compliment and the complimented. Sometimes, it’s being the girl who drank too much and has to be cared for by other women who have been there before. Other times, it’s being the girl who sees when someone else might need a hand or a glass of water to sober up. Conversation flows easily with women, especially in bars, where there is a lot to start small talk from. I’ve had great talks with girls in line trying to get into Tavern of Little Italy. It could go from a girl giving me a simple compliment about my eyeliner to me applying the makeup on her by the time we make it in. As a woman, I can easily tell another woman I like her jewelry and ask where she shops. Upon learning that it’s from Amazon, we can bond over impulsive shopping and how we both love leopard print from her pants and my printed shoes. If the situation permits, we can learn a lot about each other. Many girls can probably relate to waking up the next day with newfound mutuals on social media and a couple of missed texts about wanting to hang out outside of the bar. I think the beauty in these scenes is that, we as women, have all acknowledged we have so many similar experiences. Even if these interactions are fleeting and I never see the girl with the leopard-print pants and gold hoops again, I’ll remember I had a pleasant time because I was able to talk to a like-minded woman and meet her cool friends. Often, even in these minutes-long conversations, we can simply unite over the same things we are ridiculed for in the outside patriarchal society; I can rave about clothes, hair, perfume and more. It can get even deeper in subject matter when a girl is crying outside of karaoke at The Jolly Scholar and I flock to her with other women willing to offer listening ears to the story of how her boyfriend bailed on her for the third time this month. I may have never met this Brad individual or known what he looks like, but suddenly he needs to watch out for me if he ever were to cross my path. Being in a state of deep sadness in an environment where there’s usually raucous laughter and joy, it is comforting to know that there are people willing to step away just to sit in your feelings despite having no attachment to you.

Unfortunately, we live in a man’s world, meaning many times, women are left feeling unsafe walking home late at night or merely existing in spaces where there are many men. I infer that women tend to form these kinds of bonds in social settings to make the space safer for each other and themselves. Countless women in my life have been harassed on the street or catcalled in passing. I was followed home one night by two men in a car and had to stick my keys between my fingers in case I had to fight for self-defense. Thankfully, nothing happened, and they eventually gave up following and staring me down, but it painfully reminds me that men will do things like this because they feel they can get away with it. These bonds are a beautiful way of trying to amend the prevailing truth that women are often pitted against each other, and unfortunately, constantly put in situations where we are running the same race and being tripped by other female peers. It’s already not a fair world for women, and the luxury of being taken seriously, or at least heard, is something that we should always afford each other generously.