Although such a trend is less true in college than it was in highschool, many people have a hard time being alone. Humans are social animals and cannot live in isolation. In fact, there is even a phobia of being alone called autophobia. However, if the need to constantly be around other people is extreme and a person struggles to spend time alone, it can negatively impact many aspects of life, such as your social circle and career. To prevent this self destructive practice, we must understand the value in being comfortable being alone. 

The first step is to identify why someone is afraid of being alone. According to Cleveland Clinic, personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder or dependent personality disorder, can contribute to a fear of being alone. More commonly, though, factors such as family history, sex and genetics can have an impact. Other causes include traumatic experiences such as being neglected or separated from loved ones. There is also the social belief where we assume that we must be surrounded by people all the time and have to be outgoing in order to be considered normal. Regardless of the reason, we must attempt to gain an understanding of exactly why we feel a certain way and how we are going to navigate through by learning how to address negative thoughts and fears. 

The second thing that people should know is that there is no right or wrong answer. As I stated in the past, pop culture and trends in social media make it seem like we have to always be surrounded by other people. In this setting, it is not uncommon for people to belittle themselves through comparison to others. As a result, people may end up spending too much time, resources and emotions on shallow relationships, burning out from over socialization and the accompanying overstimulation. For this reason, people should have clear expectations of who they want to spend their time with and set boundaries, choosing to be alone until they find a group that suits them well. They should spend precious time with good people whom they are already comfortable with in order to allow themselves time to recharge, destress and have fun. There is nothing wrong with being picky about whom we surround ourselves with. Allowing someone who is likely to hurt us into our lives because we are lonely can be extremely detrimental. Not only will we feel overwhelmed by the relationship fall-out, but in extreme cases, we could be taken advantage of or be putting our lives at risk. 

The third step is to be self-sufficient and independent. There are often cases where we are put in situations where we have to navigate our surroundings on our own. Moving to a new city, being part of a group project where we don’t know anyone and participating in an intensive program, such as medical school, where students spend most of their time studying, are all primary examples. As important as it is to make friends, one should not make themselves feel as if they must make people feel good at their own expense. For example, people who are not emotionally independent may have a hard time because they are in constant need of validation, may have clingy relationships or act as a people pleaser. We should not rely on others for emotional stability. Instead, we should make our own decisions with confidence and cut off people who do not align with our values or mistreat us (although being too extreme and ruthless is itself a problem). As adults, people should be able to take care of themselves and their problems without asking other people for help unless it is necessary.

The fourth step is to have a good understanding of yourself and to spend your time alone wisely. Having a hard time being alone could result in self-destructive habits, such as spiraling and doomscrolling. Rather than falling into these traps, people should intentionally take time to figure out who they are, what they wish to accomplish, what they like or dislike and widen their scope of interests. Trying something new, putting effort toward a big goal and maintaining inner peace are good ways to spend alone time. Even very extroverted people can benefit from taking time for themselves. 

Everyone should work on having a firm understanding of themselves and be able to stand their ground in regards to their beliefs. The people who are proficient at being independent are always far more successful at building healthy relationships with friends, family and significant others.