You walk into a room, a party, a dining hall, a networking event, a family gathering—and immediately you’re confronted with an unsettling prospect: having to make small talk with someone you barely know. What will you talk about? How do you circumvent the impending awkward silence?

Yup, we’ve all been there. Making good conversation can sometimes feel like winning the lottery. The opening “How was your day?” question can be a real hit-or-miss. At times it will open a treasure trove of laughs and smiles, connection over shared experiences or fervent and passionate debate; other times the conversation will fizzle into silence after an exchange of terse descriptors such as “good,” “long” or “tiring.” It is situations like the latter that we associate most with our anxiety surrounding social interaction. We anticipate an interaction suffused with long moments of sparse conversation or none at all, accompanied with uncomfortable eye contact. Simply put, we fear that we won’t know what to talk about.

Yet our fear of conversation, ironically, also arises from the fact that we are social creatures. We rely on connection to others and seek acceptance. The idea of being judged scares us, and the risk of saying something that the person across from us might take the wrong way is terrifying, too.

Especially in professional settings—be it a job fair, a conference or a symposium—the pressure to impress a prospective employer, mentor or impactful figure propels us into a nervous trance, and we dodge the discomfort by forgoing the conversation altogether. What’s more, at networking events we often find ourselves walking into crowds of people organized into smaller, impenetrable circles. As we stand amongst these tight clusters of people who all appear to know each other and are seemingly indifferent to newcomers, networking rises from an avenue for social interaction to a considerable feat.

In an effort to diminish our anxiety of social interaction, we may turn to preparation—from watching YouTube tutorials boasting the “secret” to small talk to rehearsing our life stories in our heads and making mental notes about what questions to ask. While these efforts may lead us to some success, they fail to address the fact that interactions occur “in the moment” and are left to the spontaneity of context, time and location. Thus, it is impossible to “fashion” a conversation before it has occurred—and it can even be counterproductive as we stumble over our words in an attempt to follow a predetermined “script.”

There is no step-by-step “instruction manual” for the perfect conversation, but there are strategies we can use to facilitate interactions and take away from the looming social anxiety.

Creating a comfortable environment is the foundation for starting a comfortable conversation. Making eye contact lets the person you are talking to know you are genuinely interested, just as smiling, the occasional nod, leaning inward and an open posture show them that they are being heard. Not only does this invite the other person to feel comfortable talking to you, but it also takes away from the pressure that we place on ourselves to come up with endless things to say. Instead, we can harness one of our most powerful tools: listening.

In the professional sphere, creating a comfortable environment relies on a spirit of openness. Changing the physical organization from tight clusters to inviting half-circles encourages people to join the space and conversation, rather than scare them away. If you find yourself between isolated groups of people in a big room, open up your body and posture, make eye contact and smile to grant yourself a spot in the circle. Then, maintain the body language to allow others to enter, too.

Clearly, asking yes–no questions offers little room for expansive dialogue, but asking questions that are too open-ended can kill a conversation just as quickly. Take “How was your vacation?” for example. It’s an overwhelmingly broad question that is often returned with a “great” or “very relaxing,” followed by some meager elaboration. Asking “What was the highlight of your trip?” however, requires deeper reflection, demands a story and yields a unique answer. As you embark on your conversational adventure, it can also be helpful to look out for commonalities: a place you have both been to, a hobby you both have, a club you are both in—or even something as small as wearing the exact same pair of shoes. Finding common ground not only forges connection but also unleashes stories and interesting experiences when you feel the conversation is starting to run dry.

Lastly, perhaps the most important part to any conversation is the attitude we have toward it. If we go into an interaction anticipating its awkwardness, more often than not, it will be awkward. However, approaching a conversation with the goal of keeping it fun and spirited will replace a strained and uncomfortable environment with laughter, jokes and a good time. On the same note, every social interaction is an opportunity to learn something unique about another person: their family story, a quirk about them, the house they grew up in or a passion they have been pursuing since childhood. There should be no expectation that a deep conversation must ruminate on society’s biggest issues. Learning about how a person thinks—their values, morals and goals—can be just as valuable, if not more.

With all this, however, it’s important to resist the urge to remember and practice all these tricks for your next conversation. Instead, let the conversation take its natural course and employ the aforementioned tools when the time is right. Next time you walk into a party, a career fair or a club event and feel the looming awkwardness, embrace the stumble, lean into curiosity and have fun. Sometimes the best connections arise when you least expect them.