Sex and Dating: Shaking things up

James Love, Ph.D.

If you find yourself living the same day over and over again, you are a zombie. You are a drone on autopilot, running the same program, trapped in the same loops. If you stay on this path, you may find yourself burning down your place of employment or schooling over something as poignantly simple as a red stapler.

The human brain is one of the most complex systems in the known universe. As a result, very little is known about it. We know that it is capable of controlling the entire human body without telling its host; it has phenomenal image processing and memory storage; and, it thinks about reproduction on a per-minute rate. Other per-minute rates include breathing, heart-beating, and legal fees.

One of the few known things about the brain is that is needs stimulation. The brain is built to develop structures and ritualize, but it craves the exhilaration of new experiences. To live the same days, bumping into the same people, responding to the same stimuli in the same way every day, thinking the same thoughts, and so on, is an insult to the vast wonders of the mind. Each new day is a new day, full of possibilities.

It’s as though living in society is like living in a vector field, where we tend toward very particular solution curves. However, this mundaneness is like leaving the training wheels on your bicycle. “Shaking things up,” as the colloquialism goes, not only enriches the human mind, but also explains why hate sex is so awesome.

Hate sex is so great because of the passion and excitement that goes into it. It defies logic and engages instinct. It breaks the routine in favor of something thrilling. Being passionate is often considered an attractive quality, and signifies vivacity. Passion means engaging in life—loving something outside of yourself. This effervescence means not taking life for granted, and pursuing things that you enjoy.

It’s okay to be friendly! Life is too short to be shy. Have some fun and excitement before you get too old for that sort of thing. Whatever routine you have, break it. Get outside your comfort zone. Do you spend Friday nights on the computer? Go to Spot Night on Wednesday and meet someone cute, then go out with them Friday. Do you find yourself going to the same party every weekend? Meeting the same basic person only with different glasses and facial hair, having the same shallow conversations? Bake a cake and see if the nerdy kids down the hall want to have an impromptu party in your building.

It’s easy to be friends with the people you interact with frequently, but it’s difficult to actually put yourself out there and meet new people. If you believe that nothing worth having comes easily, then you know that best friends are hard to come by. If you want a relationship to be meaningful, you’ve got to wait until you find someone compatible. You can’t just hop on the first attractively packaged bad idea that comes your way. Instead of giving in to boredom and loneliness, look instead for fun, friends, and new experiences. The positive energy you put out will find its way back to you, and when it does, it’ll be worth it.