Sex and Dating: The art of seduction, part II

James Love, Ph.D.

The techniques covered last time were for beginners. This week, I will go into the next level of seduction. This involves creating a sensual mood by appealing to all of the senses. For simplicity, let us consider one partner with ambiguous sexual identity, Pat. Seducing multiple partners is an advanced technique, and is a skill that can neither be taught nor learned, only appreciated.

Once you’ve got Pat’s attention, you’ll need to foster the proper environment if you want to move on to foreplay. If you and Pat are feeling frisky without the aid of romance, then just remember to be safe before you shake the sheets. After returning from an evening out, or upon meeting for an evening in, a transition activity can help take away the awkwardness. Have an intellectual conversation, or perhaps play Mario Kart.

To be visually appealing, you and your living space should be clean. If there is any chance of going back to your place, clean ahead of time. Lighting is also key; dim, ambient light works best.

Music should be no louder than the lights. It should be comforting background music, a gentle array of sounds to wash away all the white noise. To be really slick, play music you know Pat likes, or even listen to bands you both love as a transition activity.

To appeal to the olfactory senses, it’s generally better to smell clean than perfumey (clean like dryer sheets, not formaldehyde). If you want to wear cologne or perfume, a little goes a long way. Wear only enough be smelt when Pat is close enough to hug you. It’s better for your enticing scent to be a surprise rather than an assault on the nostrils (ever walked behind a bro or an old lady?). It also won’t hurt to Febreze and aerate the apartment, and one of the most prevalent turn-offs is bad breath.

Food can play a role in seduction. Certain foods are known for being natural aphrodisiacs, and if you know how to cook, you can create an intimate dining experience. Chocolate, of course, is known for stimulating the sex center of the body, the brain. Surprisingly, tomatoes and avocadoes can also help. Tomatoes can help calm the nerves and improve muscle control, and avocadoes are not only rich in anti-oxidants, but can also boost the state of arousal and intensify orgasms (should you and Pat decide to do the four-legged frolic).

For the tactile, smooth and soft furniture surfaces improve the comfort level of the environment. Once the mood “feels right,” sensual activities such as massages and kissing are more welcome. These can either lead to intercourse, or be enjoyable on their own. The genitals need not be tended to. Pat has an entire skin full of neurons waiting to be stimulated. Keep all touches and kisses firm but gentle. Try lightly caressing Pat’s ears, arms, and legs, or kissing Pat’s neck, shoulders, and lips. Remember to communicate with Pat. Pay attention to what Pat likes and what makes Pat uncomfortable and adjust accordingly. Gentle nibbling or biting may be welcome, or perhaps Pat’s back likes to be scratched. Practice and feedback are essential ways to kiss better. Don’t overanalyze, be responsive to the present moment, and most importantly, don’t panic.