Kurt Jensen is a senior on the men’s wresting team. Jensen is from Marshfield, Mass., and is majoring in systems engineering.
Ben Yavitt: Okay, Kurt, let’s start off. How long have you been wrestling?
Kurt Jensen: Eight years.
BY: I stopped wrestling eight years ago, when my brother started beating me. What inspired you to start?
KJ: I wanted to get involved with the single most badass sport available.
BY: Ah, they must not have had a racquetball team at your school. Do you have any hobbies?
KJ: I yell “get a job” at people from my car window in hopes that I can better the Cleveland economy one person at a time.
BY: And for that, we thank you. Who is your favorite athlete?
KJ: Dan Vasil, the best kicker the football team could find on short notice.
BY: Morten Anderson apparently wasn’t available. What is your best wrestling memory?
KJ: Our team trip to Florida this year.
BY: Some fun in the sun. What is your worst memory?
KJ: Our team trip to Florida this year.
BY: Well then, I won’t ask about that anymore. What is your favorite quote?
KJ: “Kurtis, driving on the highway is like a race: you just need to get where you’re going before everyone else.” – My mother
BY: Truly words to live by. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
KJ: Celebrating the 10-year anniversary of doing this interview.
BY: I hear Eben Via is also throwing one of those parties. What makes wrestling stand out from other sports?
KJ: Probably the close man-on-man action.
BY: Well, that certainly does stand out. If you could invite three people to dinner, living or dead, who would it be and why?
KJ: I would only need one: Mrs. Yavitt.
BY: l will bring the other two: my right hook and my left jab. What is your least favorite thing about wrestling?
KJ: No women.
BY: You signed up for the wrong sport. You should have picked bikini mud wrestling. If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
KJ: Next question.
BY: If you could participate in any other sport, which would it be?
KJ: Softball, because they have bigger balls than the baseball team.
BY: That they do, and they are yellow. What would we find in your locker right now that might surprise us?
KJ: A brick. Two years ago, my coach promised me an axe handle, which I have yet to receive, which I am supposed to use to make the ultimate blunt weapon: a brick duct taped to an axe handle. This is not a joke.
BY: With a ferocious weapon like that, I wouldn’t joke around with you. What is one thing that most people don’t know about wrestling?
KJ: We are nasty at dodgeball.
BY: Wow. I honestly did not know that. What goes through your mind during a match?
KJ: “How much pain can I inflict on this person in the time remaining?”
BY: Finish the sentence: Wrestling is like a girl…
KJ: Who is a pain in the ass to deal with day-to-day, but is fantastic in the bedroom.
BY: Mrs. Jensen… What is the high point of the wrestling season?
KJ: April 20th.
BY: Keep counting down. Who is the best athlete you have ever competed with and why?
KJ: Probably Cale Harter, because he is a DIII Heavyweight Scholar All-American.
BY: Amazing. Any insights on how the season is going so far?
KJ: Terribly. The swimmers were just moved into our locker room, and they get the floor wet. Luckily, that locker room is a known hotbed for MRSA, so I expect them all to be dead soon. We wrestlers have built immunity.
BY: Remind me to never go down there. Thanks a lot Kurt, and good luck with the rest of the season.