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Three mindsets that will ruin your life

Three mindsets that will ruin your life

As we grow up, our environment, life experiences and future shape us into the people who we are today. However, not all of our perspectives and mindsets are worthy of celebration. It is more likely than not that some of them actually have a negative impact on our lives. In this article, we will investigate a few common—but often overlooked—harmful mindsets and why we should work hard to overcome them.

The first mindset is the victim mentality. It is natural for people to be afraid of admitting that they are wrong, and sometimes it is likely that one is, in fact, the victim. However, it is also important that we keep in mind that we are, as humans, prone to being wrong and that others are not always against us. A common example of the victim mentality coming into play is when a person constantly struggles to get along with others and feels like they are being mistreated. Instead of re-evaluating our own behavior to see if we are the cause of the problem, we blame a certain group of people, label them as rude and even mistreat them. On the other hand, the people in that group may be struggling due to our quickness to label them as villains. The victim mindset is detrimental because it makes us believe that everyone is against us, leading to low self-esteem as we wonder what we did to deserve an attack. Although it could be because of past trauma, such as being bullied, people should work to get out of the mindset that everyone hates them and acknowledge that many people do not intend to be mean. Having a victim mentality halts growth by making it impossible to realize when we are misbehaving while hindering our ability to take responsibility for our actions. Instead, we should practice viewing situations objectively to gain an understanding of the true picture rather than letting our thoughts spiral out of control. For example, are people at work really tossing you around and giving all the work to you or is it the nature of the job? 

The second mindset is the preemptive fear of failure. Fear of failure can be linked to a tiny concern, such as trying out a new menu at a restaurant, to something as grave as applying for a promotion and asking for a raise. Of course it is understandable that the potential consequences (not liking the food or being rejected) that come along with our decisions are undesirable. However, simply succumbing to the fear without taking appropriate action can lead to graver consequences. For instance, when someone is too afraid of failing to get their dream job, the fear could present itself in the form of a poor job interview, reluctance to leave a mediocre job that underpays and mistreats their employees or making oneself small through social comparison. We tend to fear criticism, which halts our growth and makes it difficult for us to get out of our comfort zone, even in situations where one cannot remain stagnant. Another example is when a student wants to be a part of a popular extracurricular activity, such as team sports or Greek Life, but does not apply for it, assuming that they have no chance of getting what they want without even trying. Through this experience, they are likely to despair, thinking that they are worthless, undeserving and incapable. They may even belittle others who achieved what they wanted. Such a mindset can be altered by changing the way we view failure. Instead of viewing it as a scarlet letter saying that someone is not worthy, view it as a learning opportunity where you can try new things. Also, acknowledge the fact that some things, such as a professor’s grading scale, are beyond our control and that we are more than what we own and have achieved. Setting small goals to expose oneself to success can help build the confidence to aim for something bigger.

The third dangerous mindset is perfectionism. Although pursuit of flawlessness and improvement is something to be lauded, when the desire becomes obsessive to the extent that one starts to use it to evaluate their self worth, it becomes a problem. Common signs of perfectionism include having very high standards that put immense pressure on yourself, being hard on yourself even for small mistakes, expressing excessive frustration whenever things do not go as planned and avoiding tasks that you are not confident about. This attitude is very destructive because it stops us from pursuing our goals and encourages us to spend too much time caring about what others would think of us. Additionally we may experience increased anxiety and depression because we tend to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have, or we obsess over small details without being able to see the whole picture. The people around us are likely to struggle because they have to meet your high standards and live up to your expectations. We can become our worst critics, which leads to reduced self-esteem. However, we must acknowledge that we are human and that the people who irrationally demand you to be perfect are the problem rather than yourself. Put more energy into making up for mistakes rather than obsessing over them. Set generous deadlines and workloads so the volume of work is manageable, and acknowledge that failing to be perfect is not the end of the world. 

Although it is difficult to change the way one thinks and views the world, there is plenty of room for improvement. The start is as easy as reevaluating our behaviors and acknowledging that the way we think and act is getting in the way of our life. By putting ourselves through added stress, we can bring about our own downfalls, doing and saying hurtful things to others. Instead we must be patient and take as much time as we need to adjust the way we view the world. This is only done by trying different things, communicating with others and focusing on ourselves.