At least once in our lives, we may have encountered a blunt or unfiltered person that came off as rude. Many believe that honesty is a virtue, though the lines begin to blur between straightforwardness and crudeness, which all depends on the person’s intent. As social creatures, we should be more mindful because words can hurt.

The primary difference rests with the impact on the recipient. When someone is direct, they leave little to no room for misinterpretation, and they facilitate clear communication without getting emotional. People may be more agreeable toward such blunt information, even if the truth can sting. On the other hand, when somebody is being rude, most people are offended by what they are told, and the delivery contains harmful or belittling connotations due to the language choice.

We have to be careful to maintain our composure and to not say things we might regret in the future. We have to be wary of the fact that others could interpret the world differently and won’t always understand the intention behind what we say. Therefore, others are likely to take everything differently. They are not obligated to interpret our words in a positive way, and we are not entitled to our words being excused simply because “it is how we are.” We have to think before we speak and take the feedback from others. Even if we are lucky enough to have peers that are forgiving and tolerant of our personality traits, it does not make the behavior acceptable.

We have to think about whether something really needs to be said, even if it is the truth. Some thoughts are better left unsaid, unless we are asked for honest feedback and opinions. When someone is being straightforward, it is to communicate honestly with little to no room for misunderstanding, which can be stressful to try to understand. When someone is rude, it might be with the intention to hurt others.

Someone may make a suggestion during a group project, but it may not be an idea others agree with. When someone is straightforward, they would say upfront that they disagree and explain clearly why it is not a good idea with alternative solutions. This is necessary in order to facilitate communication and move forward with the project in a constructive way.

The difference between being straightforward and being rude lies on whether the words spoken are for the recipient’s benefit or are instead a result of speaking out malicious thoughts. We have to establish a habit of thinking before we speak. Even then, we have to guide the conversation in the appropriate direction so it meets the purpose with appropriate word, tone and context choices. We do not have to always contribute to a conversation—being a listener from time to time is not an inherently bad thing.

We have to consider social tact. It is impossible to always be positive and please others. Brutal honesty is necessary from time to time, though. As much as it is important to give out helpful opinions and feedback when asked or necessary, it needs to be in the right way for it to be considered as “feedback” and not “fighting words.” Being straightforward does not mean that we can blurt out everything we want to say. We can be honest and clear as long as we are careful with how we speak and put a lot of thought into our words. However, this could be difficult for people that lack social tact. In this case, their lack of ability to empathize with others, interpret nonverbal cues, tendency to overshare even with sensitive conversations and lack of understanding on how to act in different social settings, could interfere. They say things without understanding how it lands. Worse, they will not apologize for what they did because they don’t think what they said is inappropriate.

We have to maintain and evolve social skills and utilize what we learn. Being intentional with how we deliver our message, including word choice, context and point of view can raise the effectiveness of the conversation and prevent us from being misunderstood. It can also help us deliver not-so pleasant comments without burning bridges.

There is a clear difference between being frank and being rude. And because the border is too narrow, many people end up crossing them and are misconstrued as being mean even though they were just trying to be clear. Therefore, it is crucial that we consider how and why we say certain things to avoid rudeness.