Worst Case Scenario: An ode to Babs

Ryan Shoup, Staff Reporter

Every week, I realize how creepy it is that I know someone really well, yet the other person doesn’t know me at all. Although you may be thinking I’m talking about a constant Facebook stalking fetish, I’m actually talking about a student’s relationship with Case Western Reserve University President Barbara Snyder.

I have hinted every week at her greatness, and I want to make it clear that my constant reporting of her greatness is no tongue-and-cheek gesture. In fact, we students have a clear admiration for a supermodel masquerading as a President at one of the nation’s top universities (see the website for more on that specific ranking).

Lets delve through the reasons why our Case Western commander-in-chief is awesome:

One: I have no affinity to another President or University. My first year at Case Western was also President’s Snyder’s freshman year, and by default I was expected to follow our fearless leader as she divided and conquered the educational landscape.

Two: She has the best nickname of all. I’m not sure how well the faculty and staff understands the students when we call her ‘Babs.’ Everyone has a cool nickname in college and this one obviously stuck. Out of no disrespect to President Snyder do we shorten her name; on the contrary, it’s the affection of the students that we want to make her rad.

Three: Babs can balance a budget. You may not know, but pre-Babs era Case Western lived in a dangerous fiscally irresponsible area. After the first year, she didn’t just pull off a leather pencil skirt at a home football game, Babs managed to take a deficit and make a surplus.

(Note: Point three could also have been a result of raising tuition, which, I would assume, no one is a fan of. If this is the case: shame. Also, President Snyder should watch out for the Student Executive Council which relentlessly pursues any surpluses and rollovers regardless of your position on campus.)

Four: The President regularly travels to Japan. Enough said.

Five: La presidente has someone who checks her e-mail and responds back to you. If I could have someone check my erroneous e-mail and maintain my fairly basic schedule, I would be one happy student.

Six: Case Western provides a house for her. Actually, the house is more like a mansion. Although she has only invited me a handful of times (and by me, I mean myself and one hundred other guests), she has yet to take me on a tour. I’m sure she’s a little busy planning for Japan.

I also keep a list of other accomplishments she can be remotely tied to: the undefeated football seasons since she has been at Case Western, an excellent Homecoming Parade, a heated sidewalk in front of Adelbert Hall, Mark the crossing guard, a new student center, and of course the 80 degree weather in October.

President Snyder: This is fair warning of a new emerging tradition. When thanking you for the accomplishments you have made, students may refer to you as Babs. Please remember this is the greatest compliment you can receive.