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Case Western Reserve University's independent student news source

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Worst Case Scenario: Facebook nightmares redux

What would we ever do without the almighty Facebook?

I’ll admit my news feed is something I may check occasionally – okay more like ten times per day. However, I’m at the point of considering Facebook to be the devil.

Now, I know I harp on this social networking site more than most (see last week about my mother’s new found fondness of Facebook), but the site is becoming an addiction with harmful side effects.

Lets go through a typical day of Facebook use:

Wake up: If I manage to make it to my computer before running to class, I will likely check my e-mail and then Facebook. If I haven’t checked lately, this means I will review the 300+ ‘most recent’ updates ranging from my mother to high school friends I haven’t seen in at least three years. I also have the rare privilege of seeing my distant cousin’s ten new friends and who has changed their profile picture for the ten millionth time. Yay!

Mid – Morning: The ten or fifteen minute break between classes should only involve avid Facebook checking most likely via smart phone. If you don’t have an iPhone, Blackberry, or Droid then you are obviously missing this mid-morning ritual.

Afternoon: The sly Facebook check at work. Look left, look right, and then log on. You should be able to make a status change, chat with someone in the room, and look through an album within these five minutes.

Nighttime or homework time: If we want to procrastinate, then this is the time to do it. Why do work when you can stalk a random person you never knew went to Case?

We should go cold turkey on this addiction! Besides being a Case Western staple and monumental waste of time, Facebook has recently come down with diarrhea of the ‘event invitation.’

Take the simple fact that I am in a fraternity. This fact likely means I do not want to be in another fraternity. Simple. However, each semester I receive at least five ‘Rush Alpha Beta Gamma 20XX’ or ten ongoing ‘Alpha Beta Gamma Rush’ happening now!

In fact, I’ve taken it upon myself to not respond to any event invitations. Committing myself, even with a maybe, is a dangerous proposition. In the end, the new events continue to become more ridiculous: ‘My company is giving out a free 1000 dollar stock.’ Really? Your company couldn’t use a dollar sign? Or my personal favorite: ‘Vote for my Turtle Ula.’ Absolutely not.

The event invitations also apply for group invitations. I’m not sure why you want me to join “Case Western Reserve University Class of 2014” group if I’m in the Class of 2011. In fact, how creepy is it that seniors still join the group anyway?

Wait. Is that my old boss and Professor freinding me?

And you thought your mom on Facebook was bad.

So Facebook, it’s not you, it’s me. Lets take a break and see if we can work this out in a couple of weeks. In the mean time, I’m going to test MySpace and you’re going to stop ruling my life.

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